– I was starving. For five days I could eat nothing but drink coffee. I felt terrible. This disease is terrible – said Katarzyna Szklarczyk, one of the favorites of the seventh edition of the “Top Model” program on her YouTube channel. Eating disorders started in her, as in most women, when she was a teenager.
- Katarzyna Szklarczyk has had a desperate fight for a slim figure behind her. Diets, fasting, yo-yo effects, murderous exercises in the gym. Today, at 180 cm tall, she weighs 63 kilograms, years ago she weighed over 70. It was then that she started to lose weight. She turns back and thin
- The 22-year-old from Bukowno is not a novice in the world of competitions in which attractive appearance counts. She took part in last year’s World Miss University 2017 competition. She won the XNUMXth Runner-Up in the World Students’ sash and the Miss Peace title
- Over 70 million people worldwide suffer from eating disorders. 90 percent of them are women. Anorexia and bulimia are mental disorders that, if left untreated, can lead to death. Anorexics die from exhaustion, bulimics from heart attacks, because years of provoked vomiting weaken the heart so much
- Bulimia and anorexia often last for years. They are difficult to treat, women usually delay going to a psychologist or psychiatrist because they are restrained by shame. The disease mainly affects very sensitive and ambitious teenagers, such as Zuza, whose story is published below
– “Zuza is so slim … Because it’s fashionable now?” – parents’ friends met in a local delicatessen talk. – Fashionable?! Embarrassment. It never occurs to anyone that I don’t care that she lost weight Ania Mucha, Małgosia Socha, Kasia Cichopek is a sexy mother, and Kinga Rusin on “Pudelek” with a “spout” and a caption: “Eat apples, lose weight!” – says Zuza. – I did not eat because I did not have the strength to open my mouth, chew to swallow – says Zuza.
“You’re a butterfly, aren’t you?” – asks a classmate. “No,” say Zuza. “Well, I lost two ten, because I bet you were,” he hears.
A few anorexics at school. – Their alphabet: A – anorexia my queen, Z – zero – perfect size, all that crap. I despise it. I don’t want them to take me for an idiot. I have to write on my forehead: “I don’t eat because everything is tasteless as if I’m chewing paper !?” Zuza asks.
“Everyone in our family holds the line,” says mom when someone pronounces the word “A”. And he has to say this more and more often: six months ago Zuza weighed 53 kg. Three months ago: 44 … – Mum probably wants to scream: “Anorexia? NOT! Not in this house! ” – Zuza mocks. – But I don’t think about myself that way either – she adds.
A hedge as if from a laser
Then, after escaping at the traffic lights, Zuza returns home on foot. Seven stops. Mom is silently bustling about the garden. He tears leaves off the hedge in the garden. This hedge is mom’s pride. “You cut it with a laser ?!” Some couple asks. Not a day goes by without someone stopping at their property with admiration. Laser? Exaggeration, but a fact: two gardeners come with an electric pruner every two months. – The British queen probably does not have a more well-kept garden – says Zuza. He doesn’t like this garden. For as long as he can remember, he and his brother have never been able to play football in the garden. Because they could break the rhododendrons. – I envied the children of my neighbors. They had a wild garden full of nettles and snails. They pitched a tent in it. Sometimes our parents let us go to them. And my brother and I even stayed in this tent once! – remembers Zuza. Well-kept parents do not only have a garden. – “White glove test” – my mother would pass. Daddy too. Perfect home state. Better than Rozenek – says Zuza.
Soup in a syringe
– Come on, eat it at last! You are losing weight in your eyes. You will disappear from us at last! – Mom is impatient. Dinner in silence. Zuza crushes the anchovy pasta on a plate. – Well then! I want to disappear. How’s Grandma! Zuza shouts. She rushes to her room. Grandma dies three days later.
“Saab – the safest car in the world!” My dad kept saying. He did not give my grandmother safety. After a crash in the “safest car in the world”, he is taken to the hospital. She has a stroke on the hospital bed. Complication after hip fracture surgery: a clot broken, clogged the blood supply to the brain.
When did Zuza’s disease start? Maybe that’s when: “Will you feed Grandma?” The nurse hands over a large syringe and a plate of mixed soup. – I saw Granny connected to all those tubes. Every day I thrust something down her throat that had a disgusting color, not like soup. Grandma was choking – remembers Zuza. It was only after a week that a neurologist was called. Diagnosis: “The esophagus is paralyzed. After a stroke. – Grandma couldn’t swallow! And she couldn’t say because she wasn’t talking anymore! She looked at me pleadingly, and I did not understand what her eyes “were saying” – remembers Zuza. – And I think I stopped eating from that day – remembers Zuza. – I couldn’t taste it. And I couldn’t swallow anything. I was chewing on one bite for half an hour. Maybe it was some kind of solidarity with Grandma? – wonders. He is still losing weight, but no one in the family comments on Zuza’s appearance. Everyone’s attention is focused on grandma. Or rather, on her bedside roster. – Zuza seems to have anorexia – Maciek, Zuza’s brother, the first household member says the words to A. – Give her a break – mum cuts. The word for D. is not falling yet.
“Am I talking to Susanna’s mother?” – a week later, Zuza’s mother receives a phone call from the community center. – Please do not be nervous, everything is fine with Susanna, except that she fainted during the classes … There was an emergency room and the situation was under control, but someone should come for her … – says the dance teacher in one breath.
A unicycle and reading material
– “Your daughter is depressed. And anorexia. He bears the responsibility for his grandmother’s life, “Zuza’s parents hear from a psychiatrist. Because Zuza says it’s her fault with this stroke. – I did not ask the nurses if they gave Grandma heparin after the operation. My classmate’s dad is a doctor. He told me several times to ask if they were giving them and in what doses. I was ashamed. I was afraid that the doctors would think that I was “looking” at their hands – explains Zuza. – I killed Grandma – he adds.
For six months, the family meets at a psychiatrist’s office. Zuza, parents. Sometimes they are accompanied by Maciek. Zuza throws out more memories. Parents usually say “irrelevant”, “trivial”, “what does it matter?”
For example: Maciek, Zuza’s brother is 3 years old. Zuza six. Parents go shopping, Zuza is to look after her brother. “Make sure he doesn’t swallow the plum pips!” – says mom when leaving. – Parents came back three hours later. Maciek was constantly rummaging under the plum tree. And I made him spit every stone on my hand. I was so afraid that I would not see to it and he would “have” an appendix – remembers Zuza.
Or this: “Lucyna wisely makes her read all the books during the summer holidays. You prefer to ride a unicycle or hang out with your friends ”- Dad repeats every year, although Zuza is one of the best students. – You’re making me feel guilty. Whatever I do, you are always little. I didn’t please you or my father. Why only four? Why only four and not five or six ?! ” Zuza mocks her parents at the psychiatrist.
“Perfectionism”, “ambitions”, “competition” – these words are uttered during therapy. Zuza’s parents defend themselves against them. Long. – “But what are you talking about ?! It’s probably good that the daughter is ambitious. The world is not for the weak! ” – exclaimed my mother – remembers Zuza. “Ma’am, the world is for everyone. For the weak too… ”replied the psychiatrist. There is silence in the office. – I started crying. Louder and louder. Probably emotional. I was relieved that this doctor said that … “for the weak too …”
The excerpt comes from Agnieszka Sztyler-Turovsky’s book «Teenagers on hunger. Love your body! Don’t get anorexia and bulimia », Wydawnictwo Burda Publishing Polska