Jonah complex: why are we afraid of our capabilities?

All people are born with unlimited potential, argued Abraham Maslow. But for some reason, very few manage to realize their potential and become what they can be. The psychologist sees one of the reasons in the conflicting feelings that we experience in relation to our own growth: there is not only joy, enthusiasm, inspiration, but also uncertainty, fear, impotence.

These ambivalent experiences, behind which lies “the fear of one’s own greatness,” Maslow calls the “Jonah complex,” using the story of Jonah from the Old Testament to illustrate.

According to the Bible, the prophet Jonah tried to resist the call of the Lord to fulfill his great mission: “And the word of the Lord came to Jonah: Get up, go to Nineveh, the great city, and preach in it.” But Jonah tried to escape on a ship “from the presence of the Lord.”

“Many of us shy away from a cause (calling, destiny, life task, mission) to which we are constitutionally predisposed,” writes Maslow in The New Frontiers of Human Nature.¹. “Often we run from the responsibility that nature, fate, and sometimes chance places on us (or, rather, offers us), just as Jonah tried – in vain – to escape from his fate …

We fear our higher possibilities (as well as our lower ones). We are usually afraid to become what we appear in our best moments, in the most favorable conditions, showing the most courage. We rejoice and even tremble at the divine possibilities that we discover in ourselves at such peak moments – but at the same time we shudder with weakness and fear in the face of these same possibilities.

Looking from the outside

The Jonah complex manifests itself everywhere – in the professional sphere, in the field of partnerships, and even in everyday life – wherever we make choices and set goals. Some of us refuse to make a career breakthrough – they are afraid that they will be considered upstarts and power-hungry.

Others suddenly realize that, having started something large-scale, significant, they will attract too much attention to themselves, and after it – not only encouragement, but also condemnation and opposition. And they choose false humility instead of activity, plunging into small routine matters.

On the one hand, we admire those who create a large strong family, enthusiastically invest in these relationships and then enjoy trusting communication with children, emotional and sexual intimacy with a partner. We appreciate the success of those who are persistent in their work, invent and develop new programs/roles/projects. We are delighted to see creative people who are able to transform the space around them, beautifully equip a house, garden or even a microdistrict.

But if we ourselves do not belong to the number of such people, then most likely, along with admiration, we will feel mixed feelings, something close to envy, confusion, hatred of ourselves and / or others. We will try to reduce discomfort by thinking that such creative individuals / happy couples / successful professionals in their field are a rarity, an exception. Or we can make up a story that they pretend and are not really happy at all.

And yet somewhere deep inside of us lives the knowledge that we also have great potential, but for some reason refused to use it. For some reason, they decided to lower their bar. Why are we so afraid of our capabilities? Don’t feel worthy? Don’t want to work so hard?

Fear of success

“The fear of greatness,” according to Maslow, can be correlated in depth psychology with the fear of success, which has different causes, says Jungian analyst Lev Khegai. – It can be associated with fears of attracting criticism, envy or even persecution. This motive is especially pronounced in people who are anxious and sensitive to rejection.

People prone to depression, are afraid to disappoint or harm those they care about with their success. That is, they are tormented by a sense of guilt towards others.

Narcissistic PersonalitiesOn the one hand, they avoid the destabilizing overexcitation of fantasies of their own greatness, and on the other hand, they do not want to give a narcissistic extension to their parents – so that they do not take away their achievements, attributing them to themselves.

prone to rivalry with their success they are afraid to kill their father (mother) or brother (sister), in the competition with which they are subconsciously obsessed.

Perfectionists stops excessive demands on oneself.

To those who live with the victim’s sense of self, failure allows you to feel like a person worthy of compassion, and accuse others of cruelty.

Any such scenario means a subconscious choice not to become an adult, a rejection of tasks that involve awareness and responsibility, the ability to cope with stronger feelings, energies.

Therefore, if the fear of success has become a serious obstacle in life, which a person is not able to cope with, then it is necessary to work with a psychologist. Only the “disarmament” of the complex can relieve the symptoms it causes.

“Go to the bottom”

And yet, the Jonah complex can be looked at in a slightly different way, as does, say, Jungian analysis. According to Jung, we encounter these experiences in situations of crisis, especially mid-life crisis, which is often accompanied by depression and social maladaptation.

“Jonah refuses to follow his inner voice (the call of fate) and is therefore swallowed up by a fish,” says Jungian analyst Lev Khegai. – Staying in the belly of a fish resembles a return to the mother’s womb, regression to a childish state of helplessness and forced total dependence. (It’s kind of like a period of self-isolation, isn’t it?)

But for Jonah, this state is necessary in order to abandon the old values, guidelines and life scenarios, to survive the transformation. He must die to the old life in order to be born into the new. There is no rebirth without death.”

Jung’s interpretation is wider than Maslow’s, since sometimes it cannot be said that a person himself interferes with his own realization, consciously and intentionally because of some fears.

Sometimes circumstances develop in such a way that they force a person to stay for some time in the position of Jonah. And then it is important not to fall into despair, but to treat the crisis as a gift of fate, to take advantage of the time of forced inaction for a better understanding of oneself, for a critical reassessment of one’s goals and resources.

But there is no need to rush. Jonah must sit out the time allotted to him in the womb of a fish, as if to “endure” his new “I”. Premature birth will be fraught with complications.

“Make friends” with the soul

Be that as it may, self-realization is not a single act, not a product of conscious intention and will, like a business project.

“This is the trend of a lifetime, the final goal of all our movements,” the expert notes. – And this is a very complex and whimsical path that runs through crises, mistakes, ups and downs. Therefore, a rational intention to realize one’s abilities is not enough. Need inspiration. And for this you need to “make friends” with your soul.”

How to do it? Jung has always emphasized the importance of dreams, revelations, daydreams, in which this higher guidance of the soul is manifested.

“The soul sends clues through symptoms, dreams, random coincidences that we pay attention to,” Lev Khegai explains. – Reading these tips helps not only working with a psychologist, but also keeping a diary, tracking dreams, meditation and various exercises.

Among the latter are any practices that develop creativity, increase self-confidence, and encourage experimentation with new experiences and new forms of behavior. Especially with those that have remained in the shadows for a long time. To do what you have never done or considered impossible for yourself is a valuable experience. Without healthy adventurism, a craving for adventure, Jonah would never have gotten out of the womb.

Those who remember the biblical story of Jonah and the whale know its good ending. Jonah spends in the belly of a whale for three days and three nights (in fact, plunges into the unconscious). And as soon as the whale spits him out on land, Jonah finds a new path, more meaningful and enlightened than before.

Each of us is also able to choose a new path, set the bar high and strive for an important goal, without losing touch with reality in the least. The experience of successful and happy people shows that this is quite possible.

¹ Abraham Maslow. “New frontiers of human nature”, Smysl, 1999