Jealousy, suspicion and other signs of paranoia

Andrew, who lived with his wife for 15 years, recalls that he began to notice the first signs even at the beginning of their acquaintance. She was very frightened of the new, unfamiliar environment, was sure that the boss was secretly plotting against her, and constantly worried if Andrew was cheating on her. He loved her and believed that if he married, his fears would eventually dissipate.

But that did not happen. On the contrary, the fears only intensified. To save his wife from suspicions of possible betrayals, he called her several times a day, allowed her to track his location, and let her dig into her phone. He even let me check his clothes to see if they had the scent of another woman’s perfume on them. But his concessions did not help, his wife’s suspicions continued to intensify.

Andrew noticed that the fears sharply worsened after the birth of their first child. The son was not allowed to play in the neighbors’ yard — the mother was afraid that other children would offend him. All day the curtains were drawn on the windows in the house — it seemed to her that he might be kidnapped. Relatives were not allowed to be alone with him, because they allegedly did not love her and would turn the child against her. And even the postman was plotting to “ruin her life” and “take her son away from her,” because, in her opinion, he spoke too friendly to the boy.

Andrew agreed to install cameras at home, let her listen to private telephone conversations with relatives and endured questioning. But no matter what he said, Alice did not like it and she always accused him of lying, betrayal and disrespect. Ashamed and not knowing how to help her, Andrew became more and more distant from family and friends, because he wanted to take a break from everyone.

Tired of Alice’s inadequate behavior, in the hope of regaining his former well-being, he finally decided to turn to a psychotherapist. When Andrew told the specialist about family life, he suggested that his wife might be suffering from a paranoid personality disorder.

Here are the symptoms of the disease:

• The patient is convinced that those around him are secretly opposed to him. Even those who swear love and fidelity are actually deceiving in order to ferret out information that they can use against him in the future.
• The paranoid constantly recalls real cases of deception from the past and concludes that everyone, everyone and always deceives.
• Often he imagines that there is a conspiracy against him to make him look mad or take something away from him.
• Most likely, in childhood he had a chance to go through a period of isolation from others, because of which he began to develop this way of thinking. For example, he was seriously ill and could not go to school or even play with children for a whole year. Or his parents tried too hard to protect him from all dangers, and he came to the conclusion that the only way to stay safe was to isolate himself from everyone in general.
• Even if the falsehood of suspicions and accusations is proved to him, this will not calm him down and will not moderate his suspicion.
• If a paranoid person talks about his fears to friends and relatives, they begin to move away from him, because they find it difficult to bear such tension in the relationship.
• Anxiety arises not only about the possible betrayal of a spouse, even the boss or best friend is under suspicion. This disorder is not always noticeable immediately, but over time it becomes apparent, it is always present and in any setting.
• Such a person hides important information (bank account numbers, email addresses, passwords), fearing that it can be used against him. Unable to forgive a person who has ever offended or harmed him. Even if this happened only once and the culprit apologized, distrust arises, and the paranoid once again “convinces” that everyone around really wants to harm him.
• Even the casually thrown comments of others turn into “proof” of a conspiracy. Two people who don’t know each other gave the same look? This proves that they are in cahoots against him. He defends himself very aggressively against the attacks of others (real or imaginary) and makes a lot of efforts to silence anyone who accuses him of being paranoid.
• Always on the alert and waiting for an attack in the literal or figurative sense, both at home and in public places.
• Paranoids react very negatively to criticism, do not forgive insults — even the smallest ones, fearing that this will make them vulnerable to new “attacks”. They are usually emotionally immature and behave irrationally in anger, allowing themselves in relation to others the same behavior that they themselves do not tolerate. They strictly separate various spheres of life, for example, they do not introduce colleagues to relatives. This allows them to scold their spouse at work and scold their boss at home without worrying about the possible consequences.
• Children are passed on their fears, often justifying overprotection with protection from possible dangers — abductions, injuries, and so on. They convince children that they do this out of love and that it is their responsibility as parents to care for children in this way.

Living with a person with paranoid personality disorder is difficult, exhausting, and sometimes even interesting in its own way. Such individuals are able to hide their features and maintain normal communication in the presence of strangers, despite a strong dislike for most other people. They often justify being suspicious by saying, «I just care about your safety!» or «There’s a lot you don’t understand, but I do.» As a result, they achieve the opposite result — friends and relatives gradually move away, unable to endure constant pressure and tension.

Source: pro.psychcentral.com