Unbelievable and painful, jealousy is a very common feeling in a couple. Where is she from ? What does it reveal? Let us discuss here the main causes of jealousy in a couple.

Jealousy is defined as a negative emotion resulting from a threat of loss or actual loss of a partner, related to the presence of a rival. The rival and the threat of loss can be real or imagined. We distinguish jealousy from envy which is the desire to obtain something that we do not have and that someone else has. Jealousy, on the contrary, refers to something that we have and that we are afraid of losing.

In the couple, we report sexual jealousy and emotional jealousy. Sexual jealousy occurs when the partner has (or could have) a relationship of varying length based on sex (but without deep feelings) with someone other than their life partner. Emotional jealousy manifests itself when the partner has (or would maintain) a romantic relationship (but not sex) with someone other than their life partner.

According to the researcher White, the loss of a partner for a rival (or his anticipation) causes 2 types of suffering: loss of relationship benefits and the loss of self-esteem. He also distinguishes between normal jealousy (being jealous in the present relationship) and pathological jealousy (tend to be jealous in all relationships or in all situations). This involves an imaginary threat, paranoid suspicions, a high level of frustration and sometimes detective behavior.

Authors Pfeifer and Wong conceptualize jealousy in 3 dimensions: cognitive, emotional and behavioral. For them, the cognitive jealousy involves a person’s paranoid worries and doubts about their partner’s infidelity. The emotional jealousy involves the affective reactions aroused by the real or imagined threat of the relationship. At last, behavioral jealousy combines the 2 previous dimensions. The behaviors of detective, surveillance, inspection of personal affairs are part of it.

Authors Whiote and Mullen have listed 9 main strategies used by jealous individuals:

• try to improve the current relationship;
• intervene in the relationship with the rival;
• encourage the partner to get involved in the relationship;
• inconvenience the partner or rival;
• consider other alternatives,
• deny or avoid the perceived threat;
• reassess yourself;
• expressing feelings to a loved one;
• view the situation as a challenge for yourself or the relationship.

Evolutionary theory of jealousy.

Evolutionary authors believe that jealousy is due to the development of psychological mechanisms linked to sex and corresponding to reproductive strategies. According to them, infidelity in the couple is an individual reproductive strategy that the other partner must try to counter by relying on the mechanisms of jealousy.

Thus, the man must pay particular attention to the sexual habits of the woman because it would not be advantageous for him to invest energy, time and resources for the survival of children who are not his. . For this reason, he tends to develop a sexual jealousy.

On the contrary, the woman must ensure that the man’s attention is not directed to other women and, by extension, to their children. If this were the case, some of the resources she needed for her survival and that of her children would be deported to these other women. For Schützwohl and Koch, this explains why women tend to develop a emotional jealousy.

Most of the time, polls support this hypothesis: men report experiencing greater distress when their life partner is sexually unfaithful, while women are more affected by their partner’s emotional infidelity.

Non-evolutionary theory of jealousy

Non-evolutionary authors believe that the mechanisms of jealousy are the same for both sexes, but that the environmental context (especially cultural and social) causes differences. According to them, the differences observed between men and women have no genetic basis. Man being an animal weaving complex social bonds, jealousy is a generalized mechanism. The observed difference would therefore be due to the cultural constructs of the genres and also varies according to the cultures. Thus, it was found that the Semai of central Malaysia share their wives with other members of their age group, making certainty of paternity impossible while in Sicily exclusive control of female sexuality is a proof. of masculinity. 

Several studies have made it possible to highlight the characteristic symptoms of jealousy:

• Emotions like pain, anger, rage, envy, sadness, fear and humiliation.
• Thoughts of concern for one’s image, of comparison with the alleged rival, of self-criticism, of resentment or of pity.
• Physical symptoms like sweaty and shaky hands, difficult breathing, stomach cramps, decreased appetite, increased heart rate, sleeplessness, feeling like you can pass out at any time, flushing and hot flashes.
• Attitudes like yelling, crying, running away, becoming violent, trying to ignore the problem are possible behaviors defined by Guerrero in reaction to the situation.
• According to a study by Mathes and Severa, women are more likely to experience symptoms of distress and sadness, while men are more likely to experience anger. We also learn that men are more jealous on average than women. 

For each of the following statements, ask yourself if you feel jealousy and compare your feelings to the statistics to locate yourself. 

Your partner goes out on a Friday night with friends (4 to 5% of women are jealous in this case).

Your partner takes their daily break alone with a new co-worker (around 40% of women are jealous in this case).

Your partner has dinner alone at a restaurant with an old friend (around 40% of women are jealous in this case)

Your partner has dinner alone at a former friend’s house (around 45% of women are jealous in this case).

Your partner is having coffee after work alone with a new colleague (around 60% of women are jealous in this case).

Your partner dines alone at a new friend’s house (around 80% of women are jealous in this case).

Your partner has dinner alone at a restaurant with a new friend (around 85% of women are jealous in this case).

Your partner stays at his former friend’s place to sleep because he cannot drive back that evening because he says he drank too much alcohol (around 85% of women are jealous in this case).

Your partner is staying at his new friend’s place to sleep because he cannot return by car that evening because he says he has taken too much alcohol (around 95% of women are jealous in this case).  

The authors Bush and Jennings showed in 1988 that the love felt for the partner was positively correlated with jealousy, and in particular emotional jealousy.

The more a person loves their partner, the less suspicion they will have, but the more intensely they will experience the emotions of jealousy if they are faced with a situation that prompts them. On the other hand, no link has been demonstrated between the state of love and jealous or even paranoid behavior.

Authors Buunk and Bringle claim that jealousy is correlated with the length of the relationship and the number of relationships prior to the current one. Jealousy is said to be at its peak at the start of a relationship, when it is still unstable and the passion is at its peak. 

«  ALAIN: It’s just jealousy … do you hear well, Georgette,

Is one thing … there … that makes us worry …

And who chases people from around a house.

I’m going to give you a comparison,

In order to conceive the thing further.

Tell me, isn’t it true, when you hold your soup,

That if some hungry one came to eat it,

Would you be angry, and would like to charge it?

GEORGETTE: Yes, I understand that.

ALAIN: It’s just like.

Woman is, in fact, man’s soup;

And when a man sees other men sometimes

Who want to dip their fingers in his soup,

He immediately showed extreme anger. »

Extract: The School for Women, Molière, Act 1 Scene 3, p. 27-28