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Japanese family
The traditional Japanese family is a mother, father and two children. Previously, family roles were clearly differentiated: the husband was the breadwinner, the wife was the keeper of the hearth. The man was considered the head of the family, and all households had to obey him implicitly. But times are changing. Recently, the influence of Western culture has been affecting, and Japanese women are increasingly trying to combine work and family responsibilities. However, they are still far from equality with men. Their main occupation is still home and raising children, and the life of a man is absorbed by the company in which he works.
This division of roles is reflected even in etymology. A commonly used word for wife is the noun kanai, which literally translates to «inside the house.» And it is customary to address a man as shujin — “the main person”, “master”. Subordination can be traced in relations with children. There are no words for «brother» and «sister» in Japanese. Instead, they say ani («big brother») and otooto («younger brother»), ane («big sister») and imooto («younger sister»). Therefore, the idea of higher and lower never leaves the mind of the child. The eldest son is noticeably distinguished from the rest of the children, he is considered the «heir to the throne», although the throne is only the parental home. The older child has more rights, but correspondingly more responsibilities.
Previously, marriages in Japan were arranged by arrangement: the husband and wife were chosen by the parents, taking into account the social and property status. Now the Japanese are increasingly marrying for mutual sympathy. But parental duty clearly prevails over emotional ties. In Japan, there are also divorces, but their percentage is much lower. The orientation of the Japanese towards group consciousness, in which the interests of the group (in this case, the family) are put above the individual, is having an effect.
Japanese society is a society of groups. “Find a group to which you belong,” preaches Japanese morality. “Be faithful to her and rely on her. Alone, you will not find your place in life, you will get lost in its intricacies. That is why loneliness is experienced by the Japanese very hard, and excommunication from home is perceived as a real disaster.
The life of Japanese society is strictly regulated and subject to countless rules: from the standards of behavior in the family, at school and at work, to the many rules of etiquette that allow you not to violate the space of another person when communicating. Strict observance of the instructions is very important for any Japanese, and their non-observance threatens misunderstanding from others and problems at work or at school.
Toddler upbringing
The first thing that attracts attention in Japanese upbringing is permissiveness for kids, and specifically — up to 5 years.
Sketch: A Japanese mother comes to the hairdresser’s with her little son. First, the little one patiently waits until she finishes all the procedures, and then, unable to bear the boring wait, begins to open jars of creams and draw intricate patterns on the mirror. Everyone looks at him with a smile, and no one makes a remark: a small child can do anything.
The mother is in charge of raising the child. The father can also take part, but this is rare. Amae is what mothers are called in Japan. This word is difficult to find an analogue in Russian. It means a feeling of dependence on the mother, which is perceived by children as something desirable. The verb amaeru means «to take advantage of something», «to be spoiled», «to seek patronage». It conveys the essence of the relationship between mother and child. At the birth of a baby, the midwife cuts off a piece of the umbilical cord, it is dried and placed in a traditional wooden box a little larger than a matchbox. The name of the mother and the date of birth of the child are engraved on it in gilded letters. It is a symbol of the bond between mother and baby.
In Japan, you rarely see a crying baby. The mother tries to make sure that he does not have a reason for this. For the first year, the child, as it were, remains a part of the mother’s body, who wears him tied behind his back all day long, puts him to sleep next to her at night and gives him a breast at any time he wants. The Japanese industry even produces special jackets with a zippered insert that allow you to carry a child in front. When the baby grows up, the insert comes unfastened, and the jacket turns into regular clothes.
The child is not forbidden anything, from adults he hears only warnings: “dangerous”, “dirty”, “bad”. But if he is nevertheless hurt or burned, the mother considers herself guilty and asks his forgiveness for not saving him.
When children begin to walk, they are also practically not left unattended. Moms continue to follow their little ones literally on the heels. Often they organize children’s games in which they themselves become active participants.
Dads appear for a walk only on weekends, when the whole family goes to the park or to nature. And in bad weather, large shopping centers with game rooms become a place for family leisure.
Early development
The Japanese were among the first to start talking about the need for early development. Half a century ago, the book “After three is too late” was published in the country, which made a revolution in Japanese pedagogy. Its author, Masaru Ibuka, is the director of the Talent Education organization and the founder of the world-famous Sony company. The book says that in the first three years of life, the foundations of a child’s personality are laid. Young children learn everything much faster, and the task of parents is to create conditions in which the child can fully realize his abilities. In upbringing, it is necessary to follow the following principles: to stimulate cognition through arousing the interest of the baby, to educate character, to promote the development of creativity and various skills. At the same time, the task is not to raise a genius, but to give the child such an education that «he has a deep mind and a healthy body, to make him intelligent and kind.» Now this point of view seems obvious, but in the mid-1950s it sounded revolutionary.
I’m going to kindergarten
Usually, a Japanese mother stays at home until the baby is three years old, after which he is sent to kindergarten. There are also nurseries in Japan, but raising a small child in them is not welcome. It is generally believed that the mother should take care of the children. If a woman sends her child to a nursery and goes to work herself, then her behavior is often seen as selfish. They say about such women that they are not devoted enough to the family and put their personal interests first. And in Japanese morality, the public always prevails over the personal.
Groups in Japanese kindergartens are small: 6 — 8 people. And every six months, their composition is reformed. This is done in order to provide kids with more opportunities for socialization. If a child does not have a relationship in one group, then it is quite possible that he will make friends in another. Teachers are also constantly changing. This is done so that children do not get used to them too much. Such attachments, the Japanese believe, give rise to children’s dependence on their mentors. There are situations when some teacher disliked the child, and a good relationship will develop with another teacher.
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Japanese school
The period of «permissiveness» in a baby lasts only up to 5 years. Up to this age, the Japanese treat the child “like a king”, from 5 to 15 years old — “like a slave”, and after 15 — “like an equal”. It is believed that a fifteen-year-old teenager is already an adult who clearly knows his duties and impeccably obeys the rules.
In Japan, children are not compared to each other. The teacher will never mark the best and scold the worst, will not tell parents that their child draws badly or runs best of all. It is not customary to single someone out. There is no competition even in sporting events — friendship or, in extreme cases, one of the teams wins. «Don’t stand out» is one of the principles of Japanese life.
The main task of Japanese pedagogy is to educate a person who knows how to work harmoniously in a team. The reverse side of this is «ijime» (a concept close to our army «hazing»). If one of the students expresses an opinion different from the opinion of the majority, he becomes the object of ridicule or even hatred. A non-standard student is hounded, often beaten.
An important function is assigned to the elementary school in Japan: to help a child who until recently selfishly lived “like a king”, learn to follow all the rules and live for the sake of the group. That is why most of the time of elementary education is devoted not so much to mastering the sciences as to initiation into etiquette. Kids are taught how to behave in certain situations, what can and should be said and done, and what not.
All classes are divided into groups, within which there are both leaders and outsiders. At the same time, the leader takes care of his comrades and is obliged to answer for them and help them. In turn, the rest of the group serves the leader in every possible way. Each first-grader is assigned a curator — a student of the sixth grade, thereby educating the younger ones in respect for the elders, and in the older ones responsibility to the younger ones. So children are taught to be hierarchical — another feature of the country with a skin mentality.
Every year, students from all classes from the parallel are shuffled among themselves. Usually each student writes on pieces of paper three names of those with whom he would like to be in the same class, and three names of those with whom he would not want to. But the administration does not promise that it will be able to fulfill all the requirements. As a result, every year the student, as it were, finds himself in a new team, where there are both old acquaintances and new ones. So the Japanese bring up a sense of unity among the kids: the guys learn to get along with everyone.
The Japanese school is the most unified in the world. You can’t stay here for the second year or finish your studies as an external student. Since it is supposed to study for six years in elementary school, the student must study exactly the same. Knowledge and ability play a lesser role than age.
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gender education
In Japan, boys and girls are brought up differently, because they have to fulfill different social roles. One of the Japanese proverbs says: a man should not enter the kitchen. They see the future support of the family in their son. On one of the national holidays — Boys’ Day — images of multi-colored carps are raised into the air.
This is a fish that can swim against the current for a long time. They symbolize the path of the future man, able to overcome all life’s difficulties. Girls are taught to do housework: cook, sew, do laundry. Differences in upbringing also affect the school. After the lessons, the boys definitely attend various circles in which they continue their education, and the girls can sit quietly in a cafe and chat about outfits.