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Among Japanese adults, the number of virgins is higher than in any other country. But for many of them, this is not a conscious choice, but the result of social difficulties. What prevents these men from making love with a partner?
Modern Japan is far from the stereotypical ideas about Eastern chastity. In Tokyo, almost every supermarket has a separate rack with hentai erotic comics, and in bookstores, pornographic literature takes up entire floors.
Reading hentai is not considered shameful, and many do it right on the subway. Even in graphic novels with quite serious plots, there are often scenes of light eroticism. In general, Europeans are even inclined to reproach the island inhabitants for promiscuity: prostitution in this country is quite commonplace, many use the services of courtesans.
It is all the more surprising that today there are more and more Japanese in whose life the sexual side is completely absent. A paradoxical fact: a quarter of Japanese 30-year-olds have never had sex. A special term was even introduced for this category – yaramiso (literally – “thirty-year-old who does not do this”)1.
Virgin generation
“I never had a girlfriend,” says Takashi Sakai, 41. “It’s not that I’m not interested in women at all, not at all. I admire them. But I just don’t know how to approach them.” Takashi’s story is not a curiosity. The difficulty in communicating with girls becomes an obstacle for many Japanese.
Virginity for people like him is not a conscious rejection of sexual relations, but insecurity, brought to fear
“They secretly dream of a romantic relationship, but due to their lack of experience with the opposite sex, their image of a woman is usually very idealized and far from reality,” says Shinzdo Sakatsume, an employee of the White Hands organization, which helps such as Takashi, fix your personal life.
The absence of a permanent partner does not always mean a rejection of sexual satisfaction in principle – you can always find erotic materials on the Internet. It turns out to be easier and more accessible than having a real romance.
The fear of rapprochement, characteristic of yaramiso, is also characteristic of another typical Japanese phenomenon – hikikomori, or voluntary seclusion. Hickeys (as they are often called) tend to live in their parents’ house on their money, do not work, spend a lot of time on the Internet. Sometimes they do not leave their room for years and communicate with the outside world only through email or social media accounts. Both have in common the feeling of their own social helplessness.
Sex, shame and self-esteem
Japanese culture is known for its loyal attitude towards sexual pleasures and the display of nudity, but at the same time makes high demands on human behavior and status. Anthropologist Ruth Benedict noticed back in the middle of the XNUMXth century that the main regulating factor among the Japanese, unlike Europeans, is shame.
Mistakes, awkwardness, manifestations of weakness evoke a stronger reaction in the Japanese than in Europeans. The result of stringent requirements for oneself is often low self-esteem, insecurity, self-blame. The fear of making a mistake makes you think: “Is it worth it for me to do something at all?”
In many ways, the spread of yaramiso is associated with internal problems in Japan.
“The country’s economy has been stagnant for many years,” says Yoko Itamoto, a marketing analyst. — The number of pensioners is growing, and this creates a great burden on the workers. Finding a good job and being able to support a family is becoming increasingly difficult. Income and status are closely related to self-esteem. Only if you are successful and wealthy do you have the right to treat yourself with respect.”
The active penetration of popular culture standards into Japan has led to an even stronger bias in the self-esteem of the Japanese: today, about 38% of them admit that they are dissatisfied with their appearance.2.
“Incredibly high standards for ourselves, imaginary standards that are extremely difficult to meet, fear that others will find out about our failure – all these problems have created a situation in which many Japanese are simply hesitant to take risks,” explains Shinzdo Sakatsume. – And all this ultimately affects the libido. Sexual apathy is a direct consequence of being lost, frustrated.”
“I know that women are not aliens from another planet”
A few years ago, special courses began to appear in Japan that offer classes in “women’s studies”. In particular, participants are introduced to the features of the female body in a very original way – by drawing nudes. The meetings are organized by the Virgin Academia Society. Most course attendees are heterosexual men. Many of them are in their thirties.
“Already accomplished people come to us, who are worried that there is not enough warmth in their lives, they are not able to start a family,” say the staff of the Academy. “In our lessons, we try to help them overcome their own inhibitions and insecurities.”
For many, painting turns out to be the most acceptable and safest way to get out of sexual isolation.
After all, once a strong negative experience made them give up new attempts, and the return to the sexual side of life is painful. For people like Takashi Sakai, the very act of contemplating a naked woman a few steps away is an exhilarating experience.
“I signed up for the course last fall and I was blown away by how beautiful their bodies are,” admits Sakai. “I don’t know how far I’m willing to go,” he adds, “but I allow myself to take my time. After all, I now know that women are not aliens from another planet. As for sex, maybe someday it will come to that.
1 According to a 2010 survey conducted by Japan’s National Institute of Population and Social Research, ipss.go.
2 The results of the study are published on the website of the statistical agency Gfk (Germany), gfk.com.