Not all mothers dare to tell that their child appeared as a result of artificial insemination. But this woman decided not to hide even the most unsightly truth.
When we were planning the material and looking for the main character, we suddenly ran into a problem. Women who have survived IVF, or refused to talk about it, fearing that their child would be considered “abnormal” or “artificial”; or they generally concealed the fact of carrying out this medical manipulation.
“How did you know that I have IVF? Yes … I did it, and this is the secret of our family, because children should be conceived naturally, and not in a test tube … I did it in a test tube, but I don’t want to talk about it and I will not, ”one of the women replied. to which we turned.
When the editorial office almost despaired of hearing a frank story, we met Olesya on one of the forums. Now she is the wife and happy mother of three-year-old Sonechka, and in the past, she is a grief-stricken woman, whom doctors put at once several mutually exclusive gynecological diagnoses and tactfully asked to forget about the possibility of having a baby naturally.
In her youth, Olesya categorically did not want to have children and was even afraid of it
“I will tell the truth, because I do not consider IVF to be something shameful. However, I also want to say that this is not a simple, ordinary operation, because it requires a great deal of preparation from a woman, both moral and physical. Who knows, maybe my story will help someone in a difficult moment of making a decision. I really hope so. “
Olesya grew up in a large family since childhood. She was the eldest of five children, so from an early age she often replaced the mother for the kids: fed, washed, cleaned, played. By the age of 17, in her own opinion, she managed to get hired so much that she did not even think about having her own children.
“I wanted to live for myself, to relax, but just to sleep! And also to clean the apartment to a sterile state and no longer sweep crumbs and stubs behind someone. Or not to share one apple among several people, but enjoy eating it alone. I’m ashamed to admit, but I really dreamed about it! And she categorically refused to have children. At some stage, I even thought to bandage the pipes, but, fortunately, my friend dissuaded me from this terrible act in time. However, I think the doctors would never agree, ”Olesya recalls.
For many, the desire to get pregnant becomes impracticable.
After school, the girl entered a technical school, graduated with honors, got a good job, and met Oleg. She left her home, lived first in a hostel, and then in a rented apartment. Over the years, the first good money appeared, but there is no desire to have a child.
“It was surprising for me when Oleg started talking about children. First as a joke, then more and more insistently. In response, I offered to go to my parents and “live with a large family so that the desire would be discouraged.” He was seriously offended. Then we had a fight for the first time. Oleg even left, slamming the door and calling me selfish, ”continues Olesya.
To calm down and relax, the 24-year-old girl herself decided to visit her relatives. I bought a train ticket and went to my native village. She hadn’t been here for a long time – all these years she only called up with her mother and sisters, so she was literally numb from the doorway.
“When I entered the house, I even caught my breath,” recalls our heroine. – Firstly, all my brothers and sisters grew up and were now independent adults. Someone will say that this is not surprising, because five years have passed, but for some reason I sincerely believed that time “froze” within my native walls. The second shock was that the rooms were perfectly clean (no crumbs and stubs that were so annoying before). And thirdly, six relatives were sincerely happy about my visit here! This feeling cannot be described. You are loved not for your successes, achievements or good performance, but simply because you are! And then I suddenly sharply realized that I really want a child, and better than two. Well, or five at once, as it was in our family, – smiles Olesya. – I thought everything would turn out quickly and easily. Naive! I could not even imagine that getting pregnant for me would be not only difficult, but impossible. “
Olesya immediately called Oleg and honestly told about her rebirth. She admitted that she was bored, that she was ready to change her life, and most importantly, that she really wanted a child. The guy was happy and offered to come urgently so as “not to postpone for a long time”, but Olesya laughed and said that “they will be in time anyway.”
“And then … Then there was something that I would like to skip in my memory. The next six years were a nightmare for us. When we didn’t manage to get pregnant the first time, we laughed that we “tried badly”, when it didn’t work out from the tenth, we began to change positions, calculate ovulation (both with the help of special tests and ultrasound), go to doctors, take endless tests and literally collecting diagnoses. I was put on obstruction of the tubes (questionable), endometriosis, violation of ovulation and even insufficient development of the female genital organs. Each new doctor refuted the diagnosis of the previous one. Finally, everyone agreed that infertility was of “unclear etiology.” This is supposedly the case with every tenth couple. But I knew it was a punishment for my bad thoughts about not having children. “
The couple was offered to do IVF almost immediately after it turned out that Olesya was unlikely to get pregnant on her own. But, according to the girl, it was even harder for her to make the decision about artificial insemination than to accept her diagnosis. All the same prejudices interfered: what if the child will not be like the others, what if the husband leaves because he cannot get pregnant like ordinary people, what if, what if, what if …
“And when I had already made up my mind, the doctor issued a list of mandatory tests before IVF, and my hysteria began with renewed vigor. It seemed that it was necessary to hand over all the manipulations ever invented by doctors: from ultrasound and laparoscopy to blood tests, smears, fluorography, colposocopy and cardiogram. And this is not counting the obligatory consultations of other doctors. I was also advised to lose some weight. Instead of switching to proper nutrition, I just stopped eating. Became irritable and suspicious. She arranged scandals for no reason and literally watched Oleg with manic obsession: did he pass the tests, did he drink alcohol? Have you quit smoking? We constantly swore, and then I sobbed inconsolably. As a result, the doctor, seeing this condition, strictly said: “Darling! Either you pull yourself together, or there can be no question of any IVF! A child needs calm and adequate parents, and if you already cannot control yourself, what will happen after childbirth? “This moment was the second turning point in life, which literally sobered and made you look at yourself and your behavior in a different way.”
It is important that during IVF the expectant mother must be supported by her husband
… The IVF procedure was scheduled for the middle of the week, and Olesya and Oleg had been at home all weekend before. Most of the time they were just silent, flipping through the pages on the Internet. Only a couple of years later, when everything was left behind, they confessed to each other that both were then looking in the network for an answer to the question, what are the statistics of successful IVF from the first time.
“I didn’t read it on purpose before. Literally imposed a ban. Because the numbers were scary. And although the doctor immediately said that no one gives any guarantees, I was still shocked that “if a couple cannot get pregnant before IVF for three years, the chances of conceiving are about 30%. If the experience of infertility is 3-6 years, the probability decreases to 27%, and after 6 years of infertility it immediately drops to 24%. To be honest, even then I decided for myself that I would go for the second attempt (as if automatically sweeping aside the probability of success the first time), and if it does not work out, I will look for the baby in the orphanage. “
Olesya describes the IVF procedure dryly. In fact, in three phrases: “not the most pleasant sensations”, “then it’s scary to move, because you think that you’ll break everything” and “there is nothing worse than expectation”.
He and Oleg were lucky. Pregnancy began the first time, and although complications arose in the process (either suddenly the blood sugar rose, or the urine tests were bad), all this faded before the main event – they would be parents.
“Now we have a growing daughter, and we are happy about that. Banal words, but that’s the way it is. We will not go for the second IVF (it is no longer recommended, including for medical reasons), but we literally suffered through the first IVF. And it is good that they were able to survive it without parting with each other and without losing faith in themselves and the capabilities of modern doctors. But this is so important! – smiles Oleg, who has come to the very end of the conversation. Before that, he was very busy, playing on the court with Sonechka. “