“It seemed or not?”: what to do if you are pestered in transport

A sexual preference disorder in which a person becomes aroused and discharged by rubbing through clothing against strangers in public spaces is called frotterism.

It can take on different types and forms, but in most cases, frotters are pressed against the victim from behind, when there is a flea market around and the one who harassedcan’t just walk away. It is clear that this disorder is more inherent in men. In many cases, the victim may not even notice what is happening, because the ideal “scene” for a frotter is a bus or subway car at rush hour, says psychotherapist Elena Antonova.

Who is doing this and why?

“Frotterism can be part of a person’s normal sexual life or completely replace sexual contact,” the expert says. “We should not miss the moment that elements of frottage are also present in normal sexual life as its “accessory”, addition.”

It is sometimes practiced by teenagers and is part of normal development during adolescence. Over time, this type of behavior can regress and disappear on its own. On the other hand, if this kind of contact is accompanied by a strong sense of shame, then over the years it can take the form of a pathology. Whether this happens or not depends on the psychoemotional and psychosexual development of a person, on how his personality was formed, what kind of relationships were accepted in the family and in society.

“But if this type of behavior occurs in adulthood, then we can talk about a certain diagnosis,” emphasizes Elena Antonova.

Many women have experienced frotters, and frotterism, like any other type of violence (and psychologists consider it just that), can cause psychological trauma.

“Why me?”

When faced with harassment and violence in any form, we ask ourselves, “Why did this happen to me? Why me?” It seems that if you know how to behave, then you will not attract the attention of someone who is capable of such actions.

So are there any criteria by which frotters choose an object? “No, they are not particularly selective in choosing a victim,” explains the therapist. – The only thing that attracts them is the open parts of the body, most often the legs. Because of this, in the heat, any girl or woman can suffer. Sometimes frotters choose women who seem the least dangerous to them – fragile, small in stature. In addition, they may be attracted to a sleeping person, so if you decide to take a nap on public transport, you should be on the lookout.”

What to do if you become a victim of a frotter

Everyone reacts to harassment in different ways: someone is indignant, and someone is lost. We may also experience a sense of shame and begin to blame ourselves as if we were so spoiled for attracting the attention of a frotter. The reaction is purely individual and depends on the personality of the woman.

“When they do such actions with you in a public place, it is always stressful, which is accompanied by the release of adrenaline and other neurotransmitters. And the body’s reaction to stress can be different, – explains Elena Antonova. “Some attract the attention of people around and make a loud remark, others “stupefy” and cannot utter a word.”

What is the best thing to do if a stranger starts rubbing against you in transport? There are few options for action: either leave immediately, go to another car or train, or make noise if it is not possible to leave the transport. Although tactile and eye contact with the object of harassment is important for frotters, they do not want to attract attention. After all, they understand that they are acting against all possible norms. If you loudly tell the frotter that he is violating your boundaries and that you want to be left alone, he will most likely fall behind.

Confessions of readers

“Once I fell asleep on the subway, and woke up from the fact that someone was pushing me with an elbow in the side. I turned to find the man next to me masturbating behind a magazine. This infuriated me – I rolled up my magazine and hit him. Just then the train stopped and he jumped out at the station. I couldn’t calm down for a long time.” Marina, 38 years old

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“Then I was driving home from work, the crush was terrible. At some point, it seemed that someone was pressing very ambiguously. At first I thought I was wrong. When I tried to move away even a little, they moved towards me again. It was terribly embarrassing and for some reason scary. I couldn’t do anything, and then I left the subway, all red with shame.” Katya, 34 years old

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“I was sitting on the subway, reading. For a second she looked up from the book and noticed that the man was touching the girl, who was standing on the side, by the buttocks. I was terribly angry, stared at him and looked like that until he noticed my look and removed his hand. And so we went – looking at each other. Svetlana, 40 years old

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“I was sitting in the subway, and a man and a woman were standing nearby. I noticed that the man was trying to stroke her leg – the woman had a short skirt – and this clearly gave him pleasure. Didn’t know how to be. I wanted to make a fuss, but I didn’t dare.” Maria, 26 years old