“In order to become independent, a teenager needs to establish a distance between himself and his parents,” explains developmental psychologist Tatyana Bednik. A fact that is not always easy for adults to accept.
«Where were you today after school? With whom?» To these reproaches, poorly disguised as questions, the 11- to 13-year-old child responds evasively and accuses the parents of excessive control. How can we understand what is behind our anxiety — a reasonable concern or a habit of being aware of his every step? When we do not know where a son or daughter is, we imagine the worst: an accident, an attack, a conflict with the police … In fact, we We are trapped in our own fears.
They often take us back to when we were teenagers ourselves. Parents were too protective of us or, on the contrary, they allowed everything — we perceived the latter as indifference to us. By reviewing our personal experience, we can understand the relationship that we have with the child, and find a balance between tolerance and control. Becoming a father or mother to a teenager means accepting that our son or daughter can be safe and happy away from us. And although it is not easy to come to terms with the fact that a loved one is moving away irrevocably, we still have to gradually weaken supervision and change the rules. So, from the age of twelve, you can allow a teenager to linger on the street for an hour or two after school. And after a year or two, give him a whole free evening, but clearly agree on the time of returning home. Strongly disagree if the teen breaks the agreement, but give them a second chance before sanctioning. A teenager will learn to respect other people when he feels the same respect for himself.