“It’s hard for me to communicate”: eight tips that will solve the problem

1. Ask for advice

One of the best ways to start a conversation with a neighbor or neighbor is to ask for advice. “The point is not to get advice (although it can really be useful), but to make communication more meaningful,” says Cup of Joe blogger Joanna Goddard. “You end up learning something new about each other, and the conversation almost always takes an interesting direction.”

2. Ask questions that require long answers.

“Avoid questions with one-word yes-and-no answers followed by dead silence,” says business coach, educator, and blogger Nancy Enkowitz. Instead, ask an open-ended question. It begins with the words “who, what, when, where, why.” The most shy guest can be talked to by asking the favorite question of the diplomat and politician Henry Kissinger – “What do you think about this?”.

A few more simple questions that always work if the conversation dies down:

• Where would you like to go on vacation? Even if the interlocutor does not plan to rest in the near future, he may talk about the past vacation, his dream trip, or the places where he grew up.
• What movie do you recommend watching?
• What celebrity do you think you look like?
• Do you have a favorite cafe or restaurant in the city? What places do you often visit?
• What has impressed you lately?

3. Start the conversation first

“When you see a funny car on the street, you say: “This car looks like a giant ball of M&M’s, right?” The interlocutor laughs, and you have taken the first step, – Nancy Enkowitz gives an example in the book “Careers for Introverts”. – In two or three harmless phrases, you seem to be saying: you and I live on the same planet, so it’s not at all difficult for us to find common topics for conversation. Practice taking the first step in everyday communication, such as in a taxi or a hairdresser. And don’t be afraid to talk to people in positions of power, like doctors, dentists.”

Another way to start a conversation is to praise some piece of clothing of the interlocutor, but only if you really liked it. “Don’t pretend, it’s always noticeable,” warns Nancy Enkowitz.

4. Draw attention to yourself

If you’re having a bad day but have to socialize in the evening, try to attract people to you without making the first move. For example, with the help of their appearance. “Wear something that can be a good conversation starter, like a bright pendant or brooch. Something that evokes positive emotions and attracts attention. Men can wear a tie with an interesting pattern or unusual cufflinks,” advises Nancy Enkowitz.

5. Why?

The secret to successful conversation is the ability to ask questions. “Everything makes me curious, and even at cocktails I often ask my favorite question: why? — TV and radio presenter Larry King shares his experience in the book “How to talk to anyone, anytime, anywhere.” – Let’s say the interlocutor says that he is moving with his family to another city. Why? Or moving to another job. Why? Someone is rooting for the Mets team. Why?” By asking this question, you get the surest way to keep the conversation alive and interesting.

6. Listen carefully

If you really try to listen to what is being said to you, you will find that it is much easier to do so when you make eye contact with the other person. “But you don’t have to stare at him all the time,” warns Larry King. “Many people—perhaps you too—feel uncomfortable with this. Maintain eye contact, but it’s better to look away from time to time.”

7. What if?

A sure-fire way to start a conversation or resume it after a lull is to use questions that begin with “What if…”. They will interest all guests regardless of age, level of education and social status. Here are three examples that Larry King gives.

What if you build the house you’ve dreamed of all your life, and immediately after that you find out that the area is earthquake-prone. Will you move or not?

What if your best friend dies of cancer. A few days before his death, he says: “I have a hundred thousand dollars in my bank account. When I’m gone, make sure my son gets a medical education from them.” Then he dies. However, his son is a useless prankster who is not going to study to be a doctor at all and will let those hundred thousand go to the wind in a couple of months. Meanwhile, your son is just entering college and dreams of becoming a doctor. Which of them will you give money for medical education?

“I have asked this question to a lot of people, from the president of Yale to a twenty-two-year-old freshman from the St. Louis Cardinals,” recalls Larry King. – Everyone has their own opinion, for the most part they differ from each other, and all are justified. Sometimes this topic alone is enough for the whole evening.

What if you could become invisible? Will you feel obliged to abide by generally accepted moral standards? Most of the respondents, according to the TV presenter, answer “yes, of course,” but someone said that he would use his invisibility to quietly attend business negotiations. After that, he planned to make investments that would allow him to hit the big jackpot in the stock market.

8. Open the door to conversation

Top tip from the communication experts: Don’t be nervous about feeling awkward. When two strangers strike up a conversation, both are almost guaranteed to feel awkward for the first few moments. Take it for granted. Just introduce yourself and willfully “walk” through those first two or three seconds, as if you were opening a door to a conversation. Once you start exchanging news and opinions, no one will remember how the conversation started. With that in mind, it’s easy to walk up to anyone and just start talking.