A hundred years later, after several generations, we hear the echoes of the events of the Great October Revolution of 1917. Sometimes we do not realize that what is happening to us is news from the past.
There is hardly a family that could live in absolute isolation from external circumstances. What happens in society will definitely affect us. Especially at turning points in history, when society rapidly, sometimes all at once, passes into a different state — like water turns into steam or ice. The October Revolution was undoubtedly a great crisis. A real humanitarian catastrophe is recognized by historians, sociologists, culturologists and psychologists.
Inherited fear
“All spheres of life underwent irreversible changes, and each of them influenced the family,” explains family psychotherapist Irina Masalskaya. There was a cardinal change in family parameters, boundaries changed. The family has lost its territory. Apartments in the cities were «compacted» (remember Bulgakov’s professor Preobrazhensky, to whom they wanted to settle the proletariat), often people lost their homes forever. Someone was forced to leave the new Russia with its alien laws and ethical standards.
The descendants feel the despair of their ancestors decades later. “I woke up at night, looked around the room and thought that tomorrow they would take it away from me,” recalls 45-year-old Elena. — I learned from my mother that my great-grandfather had a house and it had its own pharmacy. In 1918 they were dispossessed: he, great-grandmother and 9 children remained on the street.
After the revolution, the rules, traditions and rituals changed. The former institution of marriage disappeared: the church was deprived of the right to register births and marriages. The “glass of water” theory came into vogue, saying that satisfying your sexual needs should be as simple as quenching your thirst. New aggressive clothing appeared: a black leather jacket and a red scarf or ribbon.
Previously, households gathered at the same table for lunch and dinner, read morning prayers, and went to church on Sunday. Now, the young Soviet family was offered to dine in canteens, even apartments for the proletarians were built without kitchens.
The history of the family was often passed on with gaps and falsifications. And then the descendants experienced mental anxiety
The traditional holidays were replaced by November 7 and May 1. In pre-revolutionary Russia, Christmas and Easter united all classes: the rich treated and gave gifts to servants, served to the poor. They celebrated openly, widely. “In the old days, the day of an angel, or name day, was considered more important than a birthday,” explains Irina Masalskaya. — In post-revolutionary Russia, it became dangerous to maintain the traditions of ancient religious holidays. It was impossible to talk about the spiritual life aloud.”
For the sake of safety, they had to forget and distort the past, invent not only new names and surnames, but also social origin and other personal data. The clergy and nobility as estates ceased to exist. “Doubtful” relatives sometimes disappeared altogether so as not to endanger loved ones. The history of the family was often passed on with gaps and falsifications. And then the descendants experienced mental anxiety.
“For a long time I could not understand why I feel like an impostor in any of my successful projects, as if I had no right to success and happiness,” says 42-year-old Igor. — Grandfather, according to family legend, was a hero. When I found out that he worked for the NKVD, everything fell into place. I realized: these shame and guilt are not mine.
Heroism in the blood
“We think that we determine our own life,” says Inna Khamitova, a systemic family psychotherapist. “But a closer look at history of any kind reveals that the system we belong to controls us much more than it seems.” The hidden properties of family systems are most clearly manifested precisely at turning points. For example, during the revolution, old conflicts certainly made themselves felt. The family could split into “ours” and “not ours”. Or, on the contrary, to rally in the face of danger, forgetting insults.
Both then and now, the so-called family myth helps to survive — a motto that arose at a turning point or crystallized in several generations. If the family, having lost relatives and property during the revolution, lived for many years in difficult conditions, then the descendants reproduced their scenario under the motto “To survive, you need to plow. Bread is not given for free. Even after decades, representatives of the genus earn with blood and sweat.
In another family system — «rescuers» — the sick, the infirm, the disabled and those who care for them appear. Their ancestors once worked in hospitals, took their relatives abroad on the last ferry, sent their families to another province on a cart. The myth “We are special people” is lived by those whose ancestors were priests who served God in the “red” rear. Despite the circumstances, they always maintain their own dignity, fulfill the mission.
But heroism often becomes the main family myth. Stories about the legendary great-grandfather, like a relay baton, are passed on, and the descendants should be worthy of him. In such a system, the «cloning» of heroes is inevitable. This is well shown in the film «Officers», where the heroic characters are «reproduced» from the time of the Civil War to the Afghan War.
“Remember there is a song in there? — Inna Khamitova draws attention. “Sometimes there are no names left from the heroes of bygone times … Only their formidable valor settled in the hearts of the living.” How does she settle in the hearts? There is a picture of my great-grandfather hanging on the wall. Legends are told from mouth to mouth. The pattern is fixed.» If the hero does not fight and does not arrange revolutions, then he creates — he will show unprecedented successes in industry and the national economy.
The repetition of destinies is clearly visible on the genogram — a graphic map of the family in several generations, which can be compiled by yourself or with a psychologist. It differs from the family tree in that it reflects feelings, relationships, significant events for family members.
According to someone else’s scenario
What if the myth was invented to survive? How then does the ancestral system develop? “During the revolution, my great-grandmother faced a choice: leave Russia or stay. She was 32 years old, — says 43-year-old Anna. “No one told me about it.” Anna found out the details when, at the age of 32, she suddenly began to feel fear and powerlessness, but she could not find the reason.
“One day, skeletons suddenly start falling out of a familiar closet. This is the so-called ancestral syndrome,” explains Irina Masalskaya. — In many family histories there are many blank spots, and our psyche strives to fill them. I think this is the reason for the interest in genealogy that has arisen.”
Over time, traumas appear, passing from generation to generation. Any revolution is accompanied by tragedies and destruction. If grief from the loss of a loved one, home, homeland was not lived by a person, then the “frozen” emotional state is transmitted further.
“There are depressive families,” explains Inna Khamitova. “They no longer remember who and what lost 100 years ago, but everyone is in grief. Sometimes something strange pops up in a dream. Several generations got the era of repression, terror. Even young people today have this habit of looking around before speaking.” A century later, there is a great fear that you can lose everything overnight, that it is not safe to live, to have your own opinion, too. Family myths are reinforced by social ones: «Don’t renounce money and prison.»
We ourselves create the circumstances where our program can be realized. As if we are playing our life according to someone else’s scenario
But what roles should we live in when there are no revolutions? «Heroes» choose extreme sports, dangerous professions — fireman, scout, security officer. They go to rallies, organize pickets, fight for the truth — in the yard, at work. Or they have stormy romances: a woman does not understand why she changes her husbands, and this “hero” in her requires thrills.
A “rescuer” in a peaceful life definitely needs a rescued person. 99% of psychologists and doctors are rescuers. If there is no object of care outside, then it will appear in the family — a sick mother, a child. People living with the myth “We are special” work as teachers, do science despite low salaries.
We ourselves create the circumstances where our program can be realized. As if we are playing our life according to someone else’s scenario. “It is very important to separate the patterns of ancestors from our own,” sums up Inna Khamitova. — This is my grandfather. In the revolution, his heroism was an adaptive behavior. But now is peacetime, and it is unacceptable.” If I want to be a hero consciously, choosing this or that profession or destiny, then this is my own choice.