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In relationships, we try to be ourselves and be open to our partner, but often we have to control our emotions, such as hiding dissatisfaction or feigning joy.
Israeli researchers Tali Seger-Guttman and Hana Medler-Liraz set out to find out how each of the two described emotion control strategies affects relationships: suppressing negative experiences and imitating positive ones. They were interested in how the application of these strategies affects the satisfaction of partners in relationships and whether it depends on whether one of them is an extrovert or an introvert.
Psychologists interviewed several hundred Israelis (average age 32) of both sexes, each of whom at the time of the survey had been in a permanent relationship for at least 6 months: half of the respondents were married, the rest were in extramarital relationships. Respondents answered questions to determine their level of extraversion, they also told how often they hide negative emotions from their partner, such as irritation, hatred, anxiety, and how often, on the contrary, they imitate positive emotions, such as happiness, care and love. They also answered how satisfied they are with their relationship and how often they feel unwell – headache, fatigue, and so on.
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- Emotions keep us alive
They found that suppressing negative emotions was more often associated with relationship dissatisfaction than faking positive emotions. It is noteworthy that this relationship also depended on the personality traits of the partners. Hiding negative emotions was much worse for extroverts than for introverts. Faking positive emotions was also, although not to the same extent, associated with relationship dissatisfaction, an effect that was equally pronounced for extroverts and introverts.
Interestingly, for extroverts, the suppression of emotions often led to health problems than for introverts, but the imitation of emotions was the opposite. The researchers explain this by saying that it is more natural for introverts to hide their emotions, while for extroverts it is more natural to portray non-existent ones.
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- How sincere are our emotions?
When people are forced to hide their emotions or pretend to experience joy that is not really there, this does not have a very favorable effect on their relationship with a partner and well-being. Our results are consistent with previous studies, showing how important and significant sincerity is in close relationships, the study authors conclude.
Подробнее см. Т. Seger-Guttmann, Н. Medler-Liraz «The costs of hiding and faking emotions: The case of extraverts and introverts», The Journal of Psychology, June 2015.