Contents
«It is important to take care of yourself and look for beauty but respecting our personality»
Miriam Llantada, psychologist
Miriam Llantada publishes «Beautiful on the inside, happy on the outside», a book in which she describes everything that makes us (or prevents us) from achieving well-being
Achieving wellness is a very complex thing. How we feel and how things around us affect us come into play. To try to guide each one to the place that helps them start to feel better, the psychologist and expert in dermocosmetics Miriam Llantada publishes “Beautiful on the inside, happy on the outside” (Ediciones Grijalbo), a book that deals with many of the factors that influence our inner well-being.
The thing is not simple, it is not worth taking care of ourselves emotionally, or doing a lot of exercise and having a good skin routine. Well-being is a balance between many planes of our life, and there is no good place to start. The author says that well-being needs a global approach, and that each person needs a specific analysis and plan of action. “The complexity of people’s needs led me to write this book as a compendium of well-being, focusing on the needs of women at all levels,” she says. We spoke with the author on ABC Bienestar about how we can start taking care of ourselves inside (and outside) to achieve real happiness.
What does our well-being depend on?
This is a very simple and very complex question at the same time. It basically depends on the “integration of mind, brain, heart and body”, and also personal relationships. It is something complex that sometimes we do not achieve, but at the same time it is very simple.
Should work to achieve wellness start from the inside out?
It should not start inside, it can start from wherever you want. It can sometimes start with a small change in diet, exercise, or style of clothing, and this affects the inner part, or vice versa. You can start by working on your personal relationships and your attachment, for example. Every little thing impacts the others. This gets bigger and you realize more things until you reach the integración. But in reality, you can start on the inside or on the outside; for example people who have problems of lack of Self esteem, anxietySometimes a small daily change will encourage them. Well-being, in the end, is a shock wave.
What exactly is self-care? How should we practice it?
Self-care is an attitude that, ideally, is to have learned from childhood watching our parents take care of themselves, and then replicate it in yourself. Self-care is something very broad, which begins, for example, by giving yourself space: to breathe, to be calm, to simply realize what you need. Self-care is also listening to yourself when you want to set a limit. It is a job of respecting the other, but above all respecting yourself. Self-care is actually in all areas, and when you start to apply it in some habits, later you realize it in others.
Does the aesthetic and behavioral imposition that society imposes on women make it more difficult to achieve that well-being?
More work is demanded of us, more perfection, a sword of Damocles is always on top of us that is attentive to say: “Let’s see if you’re going to shout a little, and you’re going to look crazy”, or “Don’t go to say a nonsense, and you are out of place “; this men do not have. They have other difficulties, such as having emotionally poorer relationships, generalizing, but women have a yoke that must be removed.
How to find a balance between taking care of beauty, and feeling good, but not obsessing over it, or depending on it to be happy?
For me the key is in the section on self-esteem, where in the book I speak of overbearing or powerless self-esteem. In the end, self-esteem is always accepting what we have, loving ourselves with “what there is.” In the end we each have a body, a face, some familiar features, and it implies loving ourselves with what we have. If we’re looking to look like Kim Kardashian, I’m going to crash; I can never love myself and I will never be satisfied. That is why it is so important to take care of yourself, to look for beauty but within our personality. One thing I recommend is following influencers who look like us. If I am a very tall girl, or a specific hair, follow people with those characteristics, so as not to frustrate you so much.
How to get rid of the stereotype that women need a man to be happy?
In reality it is one of the most difficult fallacies to overcome, due to social pressure. For example, the impostor syndrome is easier to get rid of, because it is something that is our own, but in this case it is something that comes from outside. Family, friends, who throw you in your face that you don’t have a boyfriend, or that you haven’t met someone. So, I suppose it is a job of covering our needs in all areas, and when we do it, and increase the level of satisfaction, all these ideas disappear, they become smaller.
Women tend to be more emotional in public, while men are in the private sphere. How can you not feel guilty for being more emotional in public, something that is often “frowned upon”?
For me the way is to validate ourselves. If, for example, you are in a meeting, and you have tremendous anger about something that seems unfair, you must validate and show that anger. In the end, we do not care about the opinion of others: we must respect ourselves and set a limit. If one day we have to raise our voice, we do it. We must ignore what others think and have absolute respect for what comes out of us, and not punish ourselves or feel guilty for it.
Another essential thing is to validate other women if they do. You have to support other women because by helping them we also help each other. If we hear a comment like: “This girl is crazy,” we must set a limit and challenge it.
If, in general, we do not feel good about ourselves, where should we start the work to recover?
Where it is easier for us. Everyone has their needs. For example, a good way to start is by controlling our breathing. It is very important and many people have problems with patterns of the breathing, something that is not talked about and that can create a lot of anxiety. For example, if you have a lot anxiety, you can start with physical exercise. If you do not feel very good about your appearance, to start using more effective cosmetics, or change your haircut. Everyone should start working where it is easiest for them. There are those who start to work on their childhood traumas from the beginning, and they are doing great, and others who work on things little by little, until they feel stronger.
Miriam Llantada is a Psychologist, Master in Family Therapy, Master in Cosmetic Formulation and Dermopharmacy, as well as make-up artist and image consultant. Her global knowledge of wellness and beauty based on science and experience has led her to be one of the best-known beauty and wellness communicators.