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According to some experts, any psychological problem, from anxiety, depression, fear of intimacy or failure to domestic violence, ultimately boils down to a problem of low self-esteem. But determining its level is often not so easy. Here are some tips.
We hear this word at every turn, especially when it comes to mental health. Since the 1970s, schools in many countries have focused on encouraging children to feel better about themselves. It is believed that high self-esteem is the basis of self-confidence and a means of combating depression, if such is observed in a child from early childhood. The less negative judgments he has about himself, the more successful he will become not only in his studies, but also in life in general.
What is self-esteem? The definition is still rather vague. Some put it on a par with narcissism or the ability to fight your way to the top. But unlike real narcissism, having adequate self-esteem involves having healthy empathy.
In simple terms, self-esteem is a person’s perception of their own self-worth. It can be based on external success (career, education, financial well-being) or be conditioned by internal factors: emotional state and ideas about the meaning of life. Does the person consider himself kind, anxious, does he feel shame? These are just some of the complex complex feelings on which self-identification and a sense of value are based.
Self-esteem is not innate. Everything that a person experiences contributes to its increase or decrease.
Psychologist Robert Firestone writes in The Personality at Risk, “Naroticism involves an invented self-image that is formed when parents substitute empty praise and false support for the real love and recognition that they are not able to give to the child.”
When parents inspire a child that he is the best, and the child himself knows that this is not so, life values and his own efforts are devalued in his eyes. Empty compliments breed envy and arrogance in him and, ultimately, narcissism. Healthy self-esteem involves impartiality and the ability to withstand different types of feedback – not only praise, but also criticism.
Nathaniel Branden, who researched this phenomenon, stated: “There is not a single psychological problem, from anxiety, depression, fear of intimacy or failure to domestic violence and child molestation, that does not ultimately come down to the problem of low self-esteem.”
Measuring its level is a largely subjective process. One of the most common methods is the so-called Rosenberg self-esteem scale. The test participant must determine how much he agrees or disagrees with each of the 50 statements offered to him.
Self-esteem is not innate. Everything that a person experiences, one way or another contributes to its increase or decrease. But even if the child had to deal with adverse external factors, emotional support from parents can help form a healthy attitude towards themselves. Conversely, harsh criticism from them, physical punishment, coldness, ridicule potentially threaten to destroy self-esteem.
If you have high self-esteem, you are more likely to:
- always know what to say on a particular issue,
- Feel confident, not guilty
- rarely worry
- believe you can achieve your goals
- consider yourself equal to other people,
- interested in themselves
- able to solve problems without resorting to manipulation,
- cope with life’s conflicts without panicking,
- stand up for what you believe in.
If you have low self-esteem, then you are more likely to:
- afraid to be alone with yourself,
- Doubt your ability to succeed
- choose “wrong” partners,
- criticize others
- you can’t be flexible
- tend to feel shame for various reasons,
- prone to depression
- put other people’s interests ahead of your own,
- suffer from anxiety.
How to increase self-esteem? One way is to dare to step out of your comfort zone in order to gain new experiences. Learning to rely on yourself is the first step to realizing your worth.