is your child ready for school?

Every day Arseny disrupts classes in the preparatory group, interferes with the teacher, distracts the children, Nastya is terribly absent-minded, and Masha is embarrassed by all strangers – both children and adults … Enrolling a child in first grade, parents are often worried: will he cope with the academic load, with tasks set by the school? Should this marathon race be postponed for a year? After all, many of us understand that it is not only the child’s ability to count, build sentences, use scissors and tie shoelaces. The school makes a lot of demands on a 6-7-year-old first-grader: is he ready to concentrate on work for a certain time, to accept the teacher’s explanation, to listen to the answers of his comrades? Is he able to remember what is needed to learn something new and draw conclusions? However, according to the doctor of psychological sciences Alexander Lobok, this is not the most important thing.

Notice others and work together

“A child comes to school not to master the educational material – this can be done at home,” the psychologist is convinced. – The meaning of schoolwork is in the joint activity of students, which is impossible without mutual curiosity, the ability to humble self-will and hear each other. Finding another person nearby, a peer, and not competing with him, but really being interested in what he says, thinks, does, means going beyond the boundaries of your ego. For many children, this is not easy.” Some begin to assert themselves at the expense of fellow students, compete with them, manipulate the attention of the class, while others, on the contrary, withdraw into themselves, “hide” in their “house”. “Such behavior – and in both cases – indicates that the child is extremely insecure,” explains Alexander Lobok. – He needs constant attention and support from an adult: if a teacher switches to someone else, starts working with other children, the child feels that he has been devalued, offended. Can your son (daughter) feel confident and calm without constant petting and support? Does he/she have self-esteem? This is the main thing parents of preschoolers should think about. A child who respects himself does not depend on the assessments of others, he knows his price. It is self-respect, self-esteem, that is the first quality that, according to the psychologist, should be cultivated in a future student.

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But how to do it?

Praise your child consciously

Observe yourself: what do you usually praise your son or daughter for? You say “well done!” automatically, because it is “good” for the child to hear words of approval, or because you really like what he did? The first style of behavior leads you into a trap: getting used to being praised for any reason, the child begins to depend on your opinion, it becomes an incentive for all his actions.

Gaze at the child, but not so that he notices your attention – but because his reactions, actions, games, communication with loved ones or strangers, conversations with himself are really incredibly interesting! Remember when he really surprised you? Surprised – it means that he did something for the first time, showed something that does not coincide with your usual idea of ​​uXNUMXbuXNUMXbit. “Every day there is something to be surprised about,” says Alexander Lobok. But somehow we don’t notice it. For example, yesterday he himself tried to tie his shoelaces. I didn’t quit, but only “tried” – it would seem, a trifle? But if you remember that you taught him to tie his shoelaces for several weeks, offered to do it himself, but he did not even want to try, then the breakthrough is obvious: he did not just show independence, he heard you and responded to your request. And here is another example: you turned on the music, noticed that your daughter began to dance to the beat of the music, and felt tenderness. But what really surprised you about it? The fact that she copied your movements so accurately and funny, “parodied” you, or that she first showed a sense of rhythm? Recognition of the new and its comprehension often requires efforts from parents. Automatically shout: “Well done!” and it’s easy to go about your business, but don’t you think that we just get rid of the child with standard praise? Try to stop, analyze the reason for your surprise, and tell your child about your discoveries. He will definitely feel the difference between formal words of approval and your keen interest in him.

Keep a “notebook of surprises”, in which you will write every day about what really attracted your attention in the behavior of the child. Not necessarily pleased – we are pleased with calmness and obedience (this is a pattern of parental expectation). But suddenly the child did something (good or bad – you may not even understand it), which really puzzled you, hooked you. And you ask yourself: why is this so? And you start thinking about it. You can honestly share your discoveries with your child, or you can simply record them in your notebook. But believe me, your son or daughter will notice your sincere attention without further ado and will know that he is really interested in something.

To every person, small or adult, by and large it is important not to be praised, but to be looked at. The feeling that you are heard and understood gives rise to a deep inner self-confidence. And this confidence forms self-esteem, without which it is very difficult not only to study at school, but also to live in this imperfect world in general.