Despite the abundance of information, we still have a lot of prejudices that can complicate intimate life. Sexologist and psychoanalyst Catherine Blanc analyzes one of these popular opinions every month.
This muscle spasm makes it impossible to penetrate the vagina. Vaginismus is of two types: primary, if the woman has never had sex and no method of penetration is possible for her, and secondary, when the woman has already made love (and even, possibly, has children). In the first case, a woman often thinks that her vagina is too small, that her hymen is too strong, or that something is wrong with her … Here it is worth asking questions: how does she feel about herself; how he imagines his body; How mature does she feel sexually? What are her ideas about a man; about his penis; about the act of love itself? Some are terrified by the thought of (gross, bloody) defloration; others are frightened by the possible consequences of sex, first of all, pregnancy: unconsciously, a woman may be afraid that someone alien and hostile will move into her … In addition, starting a sexual life, a girl changes her status in the eyes of her parents: if she is too afraid that her act will not approve, consider treason, her unconscious might try to protect her with this symptom. In other words, this is how the need for protection manifests itself! Like all fears, this one causes hypertonicity of the muscles – those that surround the entrance to the vagina. And this prevents any penetration, even if the woman desires and waits for it. Moreover, her tension is not limited to this zone: her hips often shrink, she does not dare to push them apart, to take that position that will help a man …
How about secondary vaginismus?
Despite the experience of love, the woman’s body suddenly refuses to have sex. What traumatic event was the reason for this – a difficult birth, the loss of someone close, moral or physical humiliation? Some drop overflowed the cup – and the woman was filled with fear? Or does she feel an urgent need … and the complete impossibility of saying no? Then her body speaks for her: “I would like to, but I can’t.”
CATHERINE BLANC, author of Women’s Sexuality (La sexualité des femmes n’est pas celle des magazines, Évolution, 2009).