Is talking to yourself okay?

Is talking to yourself a sign of mental illness? Absolutely not. “This is absolutely normal,” says psychotherapist Laura Dabney. “In fact, we all talk to ourselves,” echoes psychologist Veronika Tugaleva, author of The Art of Talking to Yourself. “Yes, when we speak out loud, it looks a little strange, but each of us happened to have complex multi-level mental dialogues, trying to understand what is happening in life.”

Recall everyday situations in which you talk to yourself. For example, when leaving home, you aloud list the necessary things that you might have forgotten: keys, wallet, umbrella, phone … Or, returning home from work, you remember an unpleasant conversation with your boss, swearing and indignant to yourself. “This is not just normal, but very important: our happiness and well-being may depend on the quality of our internal dialogue,” Veronika Tugaleva is sure.

“I always explain to clients and readers how you can help yourself calm down by talking kindly and caringly to yourself – like a mother to a child,” shares life coach Sheri McGregor. “This is a good way to switch from restless and anxious thoughts to something positive.” She works with patients who have lost contact with children, but, according to her, positive self-hypnosis can help anyone in a difficult situation.

“It is in difficult moments that we most often start talking to ourselves – for example, when we have to make a difficult decision in an emotionally stressful situation, or when we are struggling to cope with surging feelings,” explains linguist from the University of Cambridge Itamar Schatz.

It can be helpful to talk to yourself about everyday activities.

“By thinking aloud about everyday activities and problems, we help ourselves remember something important and make it easier to perform some immediate tasks,” explains Sheri McGregor.

For example, if you are nervous about an upcoming presentation, talk about your fears in private, offer constructive solutions, remind yourself how well prepared you are. Do not allow negative self-suggestions that only exacerbate anxiety.

“To make this exercise more productive, try talking to yourself in a detached way, referring to yourself in the second or third person,” suggests Itamar Schatz. – For example, if you are worried about the upcoming presentation, it is better to say not “Why am I so worried?”, But “Why are you so worried?”. Studies have shown that this formulation helps to look at the situation without emotions, which means it is easier to make a rational decision.

For my own benefit

It turns out that the tendency to talk to yourself is related to mindfulness, a practice that has become very popular in recent years. “Everything starts with awareness – we start paying attention when we mumble something to ourselves,” explains Sheri McGregor.

We are often overwhelmed by gloomy thoughts during difficult times, so developing the habit of positive self-suggestion (and perhaps even regular meditation) can be difficult, but worth trying for.

Laura Dabney advises learning to talk to yourself in a certain place or at a certain time. Try, for example, saying something uplifting after stressful situations throughout the day and note what works and what doesn’t. You can even start a diary for this purpose.

Alarm call?

Many people think that only mentally ill people do this. As a rule, this is not the case, but sometimes such conversations do indicate trouble, especially if accompanied by self-harm – blows or cuts. In this case, these symptoms may indeed be caused by an emotional disorder.

Another warning sign is if you keep repeating certain phrases, mantras or numbers and you feel like you can’t stop. In this case, it may be worth consulting with a specialist.