Contents
The behavior of others sometimes makes us involuntarily “synchronize” with them. If we see a yawning person, we also want to yawn. Now psychologists have discovered that stress works the same way. What threatens us and is it possible to protect ourselves from someone else’s stress?
The nervous atmosphere around us can throw us off balance. Moreover, the stronger we are attached to a person, the easier we are imbued with his experiences. Researchers at the University of Leipzig and Dresden conducted an experiment*. They selected about 400 people by pairing them up. At the same time, in some cases, partners were friends and relatives, in others – strangers.
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One of the partners during the experiment was subjected to severe stress. For example, he had to give a presentation for a job interview and had to be graded by several strict examiners. At the same time, the other could only observe what was happening from the side – on the TV screen or through untinted glass.
As expected, the reaction of the observer was stronger if the partner could see him through the glass. 40% experienced the same stress as the speaker if they had a close relationship. In cases where the participants did not know each other, only 10% of the observers felt stressed. In other words, our natural ability to empathize can play a trick on us: imbued with the destructive experiences of another, we ourselves are unable to resist them.
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What to do? Do we have to sacrifice intimacy with others to guarantee our own peace of mind? Resilience psychologist Andrew Shatte believes that while our connection to others makes us vulnerable to their negative emotions, it also gives us the ability to influence them. He offers several ways to turn the situation in a constructive direction:
1. Pay attention not to fears, but to the feeling of closeness between you.
The feeling that any difficulty can be experienced together gives strength. On the contrary, stress experienced in solitude has the most destructive effect. Do not be afraid to empathize, show your support to another.
2. Work with your experiences.
Don’t blame others for your own feelings. Ask yourself if you personally have cause for concern. To what extent are you concerned about the concerns of others? Realizing your personal attitude to the problem, you will become less dependent on the mood of others.
3. Train your emotional resilience.
To successfully deal with someone else’s stress, you need to learn how to work with your own emotions. Practice daily meditation sessions, exercise, celebrate the positive things in your daily life. This will make you less receptive to negative emotions.
* Psychoneuroendocrininology, 2014, vol. 45.