We can sincerely believe that we do not need to have sex often, that our relationship is good without it. It seems to be self-deception. We just don’t realize our deepest feelings.
Does happiness in marriage depend on the activity of a sexual life? For some of us, the answer is obvious: yes, of course, it depends!
Meanwhile, almost half of the studies on this topic lead us to the answer “no”. And we are talking not only about couples who paid tribute to stormy sex in the first years of marriage, and over the years lost interest in it, but also about those who have just begun a life together. Relationships do not always depend on sex, the authors of these studies say.
Sounds unexpected. In addition, there are no less studies confirming that regular sex is vital for marriage. How to explain this contradiction and who is right?
Lindsey Hicks of Florida State University suggested that it was the way her fellow psychologists posed the question. Usually, when conducting a survey, respondents are given time to think. And this can distort the reliability of the results.
According to Hicks, many people try to convince themselves that their relationship with a partner is fine despite the occasional sex, or that regular sex is not so important for a successful relationship. However, convincing yourself does not mean you really feel that way. But how to detect this difference in experiment?
Lindsey Hicks’ research at the first stage was built according to the same scheme as the previous ones on this topic. It was attended by 120 couples of newlyweds.
Husband and wife were interviewed separately. Everyone was asked to fill out a questionnaire. In particular, they were asked questions about how happy they are with their spouse and how often they have sex.
The results of the questionnaire showed that satisfaction with a partner does not depend on the frequency of having sex.
Now it was necessary to check the reliability of these answers. To do this, Lindsey Hicks decided to use an «automatic» test to identify unconscious feelings.
The respondent is first shown a picture, and then a word with a positive (amazing, charming, outstanding) or negative (unpleasant, disgusting, terrible) meaning. At this moment, you need to answer as quickly as possible, whether this word is “positive” or “negative”, by pressing one or another computer key.
The reaction rate is fixed by a special device. If the respondent reacts quickly to «positive» words and slowly to «negative» words, this means that he instinctively feels good about what is shown in the picture. And vice versa.
For her task, Lindsey Hicks slightly modified this test, breaking it into several stages. The first was a control: the participant determined the meaning of the words, but the picture was not shown to him. After that, he was shown a control photo (his own image) or a photo of his spouse.
The results of the questionnaire showed that partner satisfaction does not depend on the frequency of having sex.
But the “unconscious” test gave the opposite results: respondents who had sex twice a week or more often gave out a “positive” reaction to the image of a partner much faster.
Conversely, those who rarely had sex reacted as if they were repelled by their spouse. This effect was not observed in the control tests.
How to interpret the results of this study? They do not mean that those who rarely have sex are lying, saying that the relationship suits them. Maybe they sincerely believe in it, but it is possible that this is self-deception.
Of course, Lindsey Hicks’ results need further verification. But if new research confirms her findings, couples will have something to think about.