Is sex allowed on the first date?

sex on the first date: men and women

This is not so much a stereotype as a prescription, and addressed primarily to women. Imagine a man who would defend such a rule of behavior for himself – they might think that he has problems with potency. But a woman must take control of her inner impulses. Why?

“This attitude is based on the myth of the differences between male and female sexuality,” explains Inga Green. – It is easy to find him under masks like: “men just need this”, “men need sex, and women need to get married”. According to this myth, a man is omnivorous and chasing the number of contacts, and a date is the inevitable minimum, after which he will get “access to the body.” Well, female sexuality – desire, interest, pleasure – does not seem to exist. The manifestation of attraction outside the context of the relationship is seen as a provocation and an invitation to action.

from one extreme to another

However, as far as this stereotype is tenacious, so old-fashioned. Indeed, today the trend is the other extreme – to demonstrate sexual emancipation and spontaneity. “Sleeping to prove something – this approach has nothing to do with the manifestation of sexuality,” the psychologist comments. “He can be an illustration of something else: a protest, a desire to impress, gain power, influence or new experience.” And in this case, the woman falls into another dependence – on her arousal and / or on the desire of a man.

It turns out that there is no difference between the settings “making love on the first date is wrong” and “show how free you are”! Each of them expresses a public opinion that imposes on us some kind of automatic action and does not take into account personal needs.

Find a balance

“If a woman listens to her desires, she agrees to intimacy when she herself wants it, and it happens differently for everyone,” recalls Inga Green. – Our reactions can vary greatly depending on which partner is nearby. With someone, it is enough for us to smell or catch the timbre of the voice for attraction to jump to the “right here and immediately” mark, and with someone we need to listen to ourselves for a long time to discover interest.

But if we are drawn to the person opposite, and he is drawn to us, if we both have a desire to receive and give pleasure, then why should someone or something forbid us to realize this?

Of course, it is worth remembering about safety. You may prefer to meet a couple more times and get to know your new partner better so that you don’t have to run away from someone else’s apartment in a negligee to escape a video camera or inappropriate sexual practices. If you decide to follow the impulse of passion on the first evening, do not be too lazy to take precautions: do not drink a lot of alcohol, keep your mobile phone charged and warn a friend or girlfriend about where and with whom you went.