Virginity can be lost easily and without doubt, or it can be kept for many years. But is there any pathology in keeping it in adulthood?
To too early sexual experience in society there is a certain attitude based on the rhythm of life and morality. But if a person for one reason or another, being an adult and even mature, retains his virginity, is there a problem in this? Should this be considered an extreme, an eccentricity, or a variant of the norm?
People who refuse the intimate side of life evoke a whole range of feelings in others. And in it, respect for someone else’s choice is often overshadowed by misunderstanding, surprise, distrust. Moreover, gender does not play a role here — in this story, men and women have achieved a certain equality. Why is this happening and how does it affect the condition of people who have chosen this path?
The researchers, led by professor of medicine Michael Eisenberg of Stanford University, analyzed data from a survey of 2469 men and 5120 women aged 25 to 45. Of these, 13,9% of men and 8,9% of women said they had never had sexual relations in their lives.
As the two main factors associated with this choice, scientists identified religiosity (regardless of religion) and refusal to drink alcohol. At the same time, in the case of women, a relationship was also found between the presence of higher education and the preservation of virginity in adulthood.
The journalist and author of several best-selling sex books Michael Castleman is sure that the true reasons lie in the character. Most often, virginity in adulthood is preserved by people who are shy, awkward, uncomfortable in the company of the opposite sex. At the same time, emotional experience gained in childhood also influences adult choice.
Those who preferred loneliness to play with peers or were rejected by the community and subjected to ridicule and attacks from other children are more likely to keep their virginity in adulthood.
Virginity itself should neither develop complexes nor become an object for ridicule
Perhaps it is this connection of asociality and the preservation of virginity after 20, 30 or 40 years that is the reason for the perception of a mature virgin as a person, at least strange. This view is projected onto images of mass culture.
The protagonist of the Big Bang Theory series, physicist Sheldon Cooper, who has long avoided relationships with women, suffers from a whole bunch of various phobias, hypochondria and, possibly, even Asperger’s syndrome. No more social and played by Benedict Cumberbatch Sherlock Holmes. Despite his mature age, the «highly active sociopath» eschews sex. However, this does not prevent either the hero or his performer from being the main sex symbols of recent years.
A later entry into sexual life, when a person’s personality is formed, gives him more chances for harmonious relationships in a couple. This opinion is shared by University of Texas psychologist Peggy Harden. Dr. Harden came to this conclusion by analyzing data from 1659 pairs of same-sex twins who were followed for life from about 16 to 29 years old.
Participants were divided into three groups: those who «early» (before 15 years), «on time» (from 15 to 19 years of age) and «late» (after 19 years of age) had their first sexual experience. Among people from the third group, they noted a higher level of education, income, greater satisfaction with relationships in a couple. At the same time, they were less likely than others to marry, and during the observed period of their lives they had fewer sexual partners.
All these features of behavior, as well as the later onset of sexual activity, Dr. Harden connects with the characteristics of the personality and character of a person. Such people usually honor a sense of security in a relationship, need strong and deep affection, and they approach the choice of a partner with particular care.
There is no single reason that determines the late entry into a full-fledged sexual life, and probably cannot be. This decision, like any other, each of us makes based on many factors: character, environment, dreams and beliefs. And public opinion regarding this issue should not impose on a person the stigma of «weird», «loser» or «old maid». This is a personal choice, which, moreover, does not limit the freedom of others.
But if a person realizes that he lacks this important manifestation of life, he should not be afraid to admit it to himself. And do not be afraid to change your life, forget about childhood resentment, insecurity and self-imposed restrictions. Late virginity can become a problem if such a status of a person does not correspond to his ideas of happiness and harmony. But in itself, virginity should neither develop complexes, nor become an object for ridicule.