Common sense dictates that while swearing is a great opportunity to let off steam, doing so in front of children is not a good idea. But sometimes it happens. The question is whether it harms children. Linguist Benjamin Bergen encountered this situation himself. And I decided to figure it out.
For as long as I can remember, I always liked to spice up my speech with a strong word. But two years ago my first child was born, and I suddenly felt uncomfortable. It’s as if a policeman has been assigned to me now, who writes down every word I say and passes the notes to the prosecutor. “Whatever you say can be used against you.” I say it now and I’m almost ashamed. But then even a fleeting “Damn!” caused me superstitious fright, as if it were a virus that would forever infect a child with something dangerous.
Since I was not just a new father, but also a cognitive linguist, I decided to look into the matter. And now I am happy to report that again I allow myself to sometimes swear in front of a child and do not blush from it.
I realized that anxiety was a product of social programming. Through explicit and implicit instructions (“swearing is bad!”), As well as periodic cuffs, society teaches a lesson: some words cannot be spoken. Why? It’s just impossible, and that’s all, it’s bad, only criminals talk like that, if you swear, you will also grow up like that.
Swearing is dangerous because it supposedly encourages aggression or dulls the child’s emotional responses.
These attitudes are also supported through social institutions. For example, the law restricts the use of swear words on television, radio and in print. Expletives heard in films are muffled or “beeped”.
I have heard several versions of why it is bad to use foul language in front of children. I want to emphasize: I’m not talking about swearing at the children themselves, the insult causes psychological harm, that’s another matter. Explanations do not always come down to etiquette and norms of behavior. For example, the American Academy of Pediatrics is of the opinion that profanity is dangerous because it supposedly encourages aggression or dulls the child’s emotional responses.
To the best of my knowledge, no experimental study has yet been conducted to test this hypothesis. This is currently not possible as there is a risk that the child will be harmed in the process. But students are another matter. In a 2014 study, 21-year-old students were shown various swear words on a screen. It turned out that neutral words had no effect on the subjects. On the other hand, offensive language (for example, against homosexuals) made them behave more intolerantly – for example, sit away from neighbors that they somehow did not like.
Apparently, the point is not in the magical power of the swear words themselves, but in how they are used. What really creates problems is the offensive message. Insults can not only hurt, but also lead to problems with self-esteem and expression of emotions in a child. Observations of school-age children show that those who constantly hear humiliating statements in their environment are more likely to show symptoms of anxiety and depression.
As for everyday bad language, there is no scientific evidence that it is harmful. There is no reason to believe that children who hear swear words from time to time are distinguished by some kind of increased aggressiveness, poor vocabulary and underdeveloped emotional intelligence.
I explain to my son why certain words are appropriate in some situations and not others
There is also no reason to worry that the child, having heard swearing, will become addicted to it in the future. Between one and 12 years, children somehow get an idea of the mother tongue. And both boys and girls. And they themselves, of course, also experiment with it. But these experiments usually do not involve aggression. Most often, they say the “obscene” word as a joke, for the sake of mischief, or to see what happens.
Here is the dilemma. There is no evidence that common swear words – whether the child hears them from others or uses them himself in speech – harm the child himself. On the other hand, a child who swears like a shoemaker can be an inconvenience to the parents. And if it becomes a habit and passes into adulthood, his own reputation may suffer.
Here is the solution that seems optimal to me. I do not limit myself because swear words can damage the child’s intellect or emotional sphere. I know there is no reason to believe this. I don’t try to stop and scold him when he mimics me. I just don’t believe it will have any effect.
But when I happen to swear in front of him, I always try to explain myself. I have a frank conversation with him about why certain words are appropriate in some situations and not in others. Even a two-year-old is able to understand that a word with the letter “x” or “b” can be pronounced at home, among his own. But it will also cause misunderstanding and condemnation if you shout it out, say, in a store or in transport.
Maybe the child will not immediately get used to the fact that you can switch like this depending on the situation. But children are quite capable of feeling context. The son already knows that some things that can be done in the bathroom or in the doctor’s office should not be done in the school yard or in the classroom. By guiding the child, explaining to him the norms and rules of life, we teach him to freely use his language, including expressing strong emotions when appropriate.
About the Author: Benjamin Bergen is Professor of Cognitive Linguistics at the University of California, San Diego, USA.