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Good day to all! Today I will touch on a topic that has long been of concern to mankind: “is there friendship between a man and a woman”? Be honest, have you ever thought about this? Especially in moments when a loved one had a friend of the opposite sex, and it was important for oneself to determine whether it was worth being jealous and worried, or was it still to exhale? Even if you have not been in such situations and you have a clear position on this matter, it will be useful for you to read to the end, and I am interested to know your opinion.
Definition and Factors of Friendship
To begin with, I want to draw attention to the very word «friendship», because the semantic meaning is different for everyone. Someone may consider that it does not exist at all, preferring communication with pets, considering them more sincere and devoted. Someone is able to call an unfamiliar person a friend and brother, barely remembering his name. And you can be friends against someone or for something.
I am focusing on the meaning that psychologists bring to this term, namely, intimacy. It occurs over time under the influence of certain factors and affects the emotional sphere of a person. That is, it is impossible to agree on it in advance, on its strength and immutability, especially on its duration.
Let’s take a closer look at the factors themselves.
- Interest, or the so-called points of contact. It can be a hobby, the similarity of life situations, an interest in something that, for example, shared memories, or anything, the main thing is that it causes mutual interest.
- Confidence, after which closeness arises. Only then is friendship possible when partners can tell each other almost everything about themselves, and, moreover, mutually. Not afraid of rejection, devaluation or breach of confidentiality, but simply put, that a friend will tell someone some of your personal stories and events. Honesty and openness are an essential fact of any close relationship.
- Support and empathy. Life’s troubles sometimes knock them down, and sometimes not only the right advice helps to recover, but also just the presence of a person who worries and is ready to support.
- Sincerity. The opportunity to be yourself, to relax and be honest, to feel sincere interest in yourself and attention.
- Equality. Power is replaced, in some situation it is with one, then it passes into the hands of another. Otherwise, there can be no talk of any trust and closeness. In addition, any healthy relationship is when the give-and-take process is established, without plugs and difficulties. I mean, if only one gives, and the other only receives, then it’s more about using the other person, the benefit of communicating with him.
- Respect. This does not mean that it is necessary to support all the ideas of a friend, to agree with them. It is important to listen to his opinion, not devaluing, but giving the right to otherness.
Stages and types
- friendship — this is the initial stage, when there is still no attachment to each other, or very weak. There is only interest and desire to have fun together. Relations without difficulties, in the form of their clarification, claims and obligations. Attachment can end at any moment when some benefit from each other stops, for example, a fun pastime.
- A partner can be called a good friend. At this stage, people are ready not only to have fun together, but also to provide each other with help and support, even if it is not profitable for themselves and even to the detriment. They do not pretend to occupy any exclusive place in each other’s life, and especially primacy.
- Intimacy. Such a person can be called a best friend when communication has been tested by time, during which both coped with conflicts and difficult moments. They supported each other and have many joint stories, trials that they had to go through. They can be together not only in joy, but also in grief, and in crisis, when presence and emotional support are especially important.
Exists or not?
If you notice, I used the words «partners», «people», without any emphasis on gender. And all because feelings happen, as I said, it is impossible to agree on emotions in advance. Psychology does not distinguish between the sexes, denying some kind of attachment and intimacy, or vice versa, claiming advantages. People are different and relationships are different. And those feelings that happen between them, for some reason, you always want to clothe in some form, calling it some specific term.
First
If we take into account the stereotype, for example, that male-female friendship does not exist, then what should a couple of people who are close in spirit and communicate for a long time, while having families, do? Devaluate and stop communicating, despite the need to participate in each other’s lives? Or become lovers without sexual attraction to each other? By the way, we approached the most important issue, because of which friendship is perceived as a myth. Namely, the question of sex. But partners do not always feel attracted to each other, even if someone does not believe it. This is first.
Secondly
Some of those who experience it are not ready to do anything with it, fearing changes in the emotional sphere, or for some other reason. Thoughts may arise about possible hypothetical sex, but this does not mean that it will happen. A person is able to experience excitement when touched in the form of a hug or a kiss at a meeting. When a partner of the same sex — this excitement is denied, not noticed and blocked, because a rare heterosexual personality will allow himself to realize it. But to the representative of the opposite sex, the brain does not block excitation.
If the desire is mutual, then people decide whether to do something with it or, in principle, they can continue to cope by realizing sexual energy with others. But it often happens that only one partner is attracted. And such a friendship is possible, just somewhat complicated, due to the fact that he will have to either hide his feelings, keeping in himself, which will interfere with sincerity and freedom of circulation. Or he legalizes his desires, that is, he declares them, but there is a risk and fear of disrupting the established relationship. And in general, it is very individual.
Examples
Remember the article about the 4 main types of temperament? So, for example, in phlegmatic people the level of hormones in the body is very low, which is why they have a weak sexual interest, in melancholic people it sometimes takes an insignificant place in life. And it is important for sanguine and choleric people to feel their attractiveness and significance, so they can afford to flirt not only with unfamiliar people or those they like for themselves, but also in close, friendly relations without it.
Unfortunately, sometimes it happens when one pretends to be a friend for a certain benefit, and it does not matter whether it is conscious or not. There are more frequent cases when a man experiences sexual attraction or love for a woman, and is ready to just communicate with her, waiting for the right moment to declare this. Signs of such behavior are, in principle, easy to notice, such a person will greatly support the idea that the representatives of his gender are not good at all. He will listen to all the details of an undeveloped personal life, actually feeling jealousy, boredom and the like.
The guy will try to care, the girl will take care. But care and concern do not negate the sincerity and honesty of just friendly relations. Everything happens depending on the situation. Sometimes a woman cannot realize and correctly interpret her needs, subconsciously expecting courtship and communication in a slightly different format.
Conclusion
I also want to note that, by nature, women are more emotional, while men have a logical type of thinking. And it can be very resourceful when one can share a completely different vision of the situation, which provides more opportunities for solving complexities.
That’s all for today, dear readers of my blog! Finally, I would like to say that if there is a holistic, conscious and ready person next to you, then gender is not important, what is important is the sincerity and value of her presence in your life. In this case, the need to ask the question: «Does friendship exist between a man and a woman?» falls off on its own. Happiness to you and all the best!