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A huge part of our life has been moved online, where we not only order goods and services, watch movies and chat with friends, but also make romantic acquaintances. How to explain those strong feelings that we often have for a person, knowing him only by correspondence? And can they be trusted before you’ve met in reality? Our reader tells her relationship story online. Jungian analyst Lev Khegay comments.
Is it possible to fall in love without knowing the person in real life? More recently, I would have been skeptical about this. Now, without hesitation, I answer – yes, it is possible. That is exactly what is happening to me.
We fall in love with someone, gradually getting to know each other in communication. Is it so important that it is only in letters, messages and video chat so far? The main thing is that you go towards each other. You can think, laugh, dream together. Gradually, you begin to feel that you have a lot in common, as if you have known each other for many years.
We met online two months ago, I think about this man a lot and wait for messages, although I try not to. If he, as it seems to me, does not answer for too long, I miss him. Usually my day starts with chatting with him in the messenger, and before going to bed we talk on the phone.
We cannot accurately answer the question of what love is. It comes in different forms, under different circumstances.
We live in different cities and have not yet seen each other, but I already imagine our meeting. Sometimes I can go further in my imagination and fantasize about the possible life together that awaits us if we decide to be together.
When I tell my friends about him, they gently remind me that my lover is just my fantasy so far, and urge me to return to reality. I ask myself if it is possible that I fell in love with a person without ever meeting him, and partly understand the absurdity of this situation. However, nothing can be changed.
This person already occupies a huge space in my life and has become more expensive than many of those with whom I have known personally for a long time. There is a deep connection between us, and I cannot ignore it. After all, we cannot accurately answer the question of what love is. It comes in different forms, under different circumstances. The main thing is relationships that make us happy.
“Virtual relationships develop feelings, imagination and self-presentation skills”
Lev Khegai, Jungian analyst
Virtual relationships are nothing new. Until the XNUMXth century, in Europe marriages were given by agreement of families. In the circles of the nobility, a portrait of the bride was sent to the groom, and young people could correspond. This is an analogue of a virtual relationship before marriage. Among the commoners, there were also informal forms of premarital relations. It was not until the XNUMXth century that emphasis was placed on the importance of free and real relationships.
This says a lot about the fact that relationships always start out as imaginary. What gives us the experience of emotional experiences before meeting a person and how productive is it? Virtual relationships are a kind of simulator for developing feelings, fantasies and self-presentation skills. The virtuality of this process by no means devalues its significance.
Are we wasting time on meaningless correspondence – or is the relationship already becoming creative, productive?
Questions are raised only by those cases when the partner avoids a real meeting for a long time. The reasons can be different: from a pickup truck, virtual don Juanism to a variety of fears of relationships. But the period of correspondence is largely an immersion in the world of fantasy. And it can be both a form of escapism, a pathological escape from reality, and a form of creative life, the development of the inner world.
It is only important to honestly ask ourselves: are we wasting time on meaningless correspondence – or are relationships already becoming creative, productive, helping us to know not only the other person, but also a new facet of ourselves.