Is it possible to change your character, and how

Is it possible for a person to change his character? Yes and no. Theoretically — it is possible, practically — not really. That is, it is possible, but it is not an easy task. Since few people seriously set such a task, and no one was taught how to competently work on themselves, then usually there are no results of this activity. As a result, most experts state that the character does not change.

Actually this is not true. And sometimes not at all. Character is changing! The character of a person is, first of all, his habits, this is a typical way of thinking, behavior and response for him. Character is not given to a person along with genes in a ready-made form from birth: it also depends on upbringing, environment, education and many other factors.

The character changes naturally in a person, on his own, throughout life, primarily depending on age. Childish immediacy of reaction is replaced by youthful impulsiveness, which after a dozen or two years calms down in adult prudence. Also, temperament tends to become less positive with age… and downright negative with age (see the Emotional Tone Scale).

In addition, the character of a person changes depending on the situation in which the person is. The most melancholic, at the sight of an approaching tsunami wave, will rush from it with the cheerfulness of a choleric. At work, a person can have one character — for example, energetic and collected. At home, the same person’s character can become different, composure can change to absent-mindedness, energy to laziness. In the most cheerful person, if something hurts, the character, as a rule, becomes somehow lethargic and sad.

A more important and interesting question is whether a person can change his character himself? If this means whether, in the right situation, a person can act not in a completely familiar manner (suppose, lethargically, uncollectedly and uncertainly), but as required (for example, collected, energetically and boldly), then most often, with the exception of very very severe cases, this is absolutely the real thing. Character is not a rigid system, it determines only the inclination to act one way or another, and the phrase: “I have such a character!” — nothing more than an excuse. You can change not only your character, you can even change your temperament — do you know about this?

It’s another matter if by changing one’s character one means a more serious task: to change one’s way of acting not situationally, but systematically, to start acting in a different style not only in this situation, but in general throughout life. Specifically, if someone’s character is too harsh, the person is touchy and unrestrained: is it possible to correct such a character? How realistic is this? — There is no definite answer. For some it’s real. For most, to a small extent.

Character is a collection of habits, and habits can be changed. If you set yourself such a task and start training calm reactions, you can do it.

Watch the video — this is a document. Sean Carroll changed his character, from an explosive angry person became more thoughtful and reserved. He achieved this in three months. Please note: Sean Carroll’s behavior was filmed on a DVR and was actually very helpful. He knew that the experiment with him was filmed by television people, his wife regularly asked about his success, he copied the data from the video to his flash drive every evening … The situation was built in such a way that Sean did not forget about his intention, and that was what helped him. He did not forget — he did — he succeeded. What will you do so that you do not forget your intention to react in a more restrained, calmer way?

The ability to permanently and significantly change your character depends on several points. It depends on age: the younger the person, the less hardened patterns there are usually and the easier it is to change one’s character. It also depends on individual, congenital characteristics. There are people who are innately capable of easily changing themselves and their character, and there are people who are innately fixed with a little changeable character. We are all different. There are a large number of people who do not change their character simply because they are convinced: «Character cannot be changed!» And most importantly, what determines the variability of our character is the ability to change ourselves. Those who know how to change themselves change themselves more easily and more often.

Character, like habitual behavior, can be changed. How? Copying other people’s behavior is the simplest and most natural way. From childhood, we learn by copying and imitating — we learn to walk, talk, react. It is complicated by the fact that there should be exactly the person whom you want to copy next to you — and this is far from always the case. And if this happened and there is such a wonderful person next to you, take the opportunity!

For example, I am irritable — I watch with interest how other people in a similar situation turn on their heads and act calmly. I watch and learn, I copy their character traits for myself. You can start by copying other people’s walks: the fact is that walk and character are connected. By walking, it is easy to tell about many features of a person, on the other hand, by changing your walk, you can (and should) gradually change (improve) your character.

If next to you it is difficult to find a person whose character traits you would like to copy, look for the necessary types in books, films, and finally come up with. Imagine and ask yourself more often, how should the ideal person for you behave in this situation? What will he say? What will he feel? Once again: character is a collection of habits, so your task is to acquire new, good habits in place of old ones. And in general — study the topic How to work on yourself. You will succeed!