Despite the abundance of information, we still have a lot of prejudices that can complicate intimate life. Sexologist and psychoanalyst Catherine Blanc analyzes one of these conventional wisdom every month.
In modern society, sexual life is given such great importance that it has become almost the main indicator of a couple’s well-being. We seem to forget that it is based on a game in which partners are looking for each other … and sometimes pass by. So mistakes in sexual relations are not a drama yet, especially if the partners have been together for a long time and know how to treat such misunderstandings with humor and understanding. Let us ask ourselves the question: if there is a problem, whose is it? Ours or a partner? Often the desire to talk about it arises because we want to hold him responsible for our dissatisfaction. Meanwhile, much depends on us. The conviction that it is the other person who must make up for what we lack is a sign of an immature personality. Does that mean it’s better to say nothing at all? Of course not, because the discord in sexual life can cause us a lot of worries.
It hardly makes sense to show a partner a list of our preferences – it’s better to just let him know that some caresses are unpleasant, and show him what is better to change. If this is not enough, it is worth saying it in words. Just do not, silently offended, wait for your partner to eventually feel your dissatisfaction. After all, we are no longer in that infancy when our parents should take care of all our needs. The ability to express your desires in the intimate sphere is a sign of adulthood. In case of problems, it is better to talk about ourselves, about what we feel, about what we lack, express it kindly and openly, and not accumulate resentment, which in the end can result in a stream of harsh words, which you can later regret. And let’s not forget that our pleasure belongs only to us – and no one else.
Catherine Blanc, author of the book “Female Sexuality” (“La sexualite des femmes n’est pas celle des magazines”, Evolution, 2009).