Today, more and more people come to the conclusion that the main thing in life is not money, fame and success, but happiness. However, the paths that, it would seem, should lead to this state, lead us astray. Why?
Psychologists say that happiness is not a permanent state, but an unstable emotion, like a wave that either covers the shore or recedes. That’s why the pursuit of happiness runs the risk of backfiring, says Sonja Lubomirsky, a positive psychologist and author of several books on happiness. According to her observations, people who overestimate the importance of happiness in their lives become less and less happy over time.
“Gradually, they begin to spend more and more time monitoring their condition, constantly asking themselves: “Am I happy now? And now? ..” And if they answer in the negative, they inevitably experience disappointment.
“The goal of being happy all day long is simply unattainable,” says psychologist Richard Davidson. At a minimum, because we all happen to experience traumas or face circumstances that radically change our lives, such as, for example, the coronavirus pandemic.
Therefore, instead of seeking happiness, the specialist suggests striving for what in English is called “well-being” – well-being.
“Money can not buy happiness”
Losing a job, losing a major part of your income, poverty are all serious tests that affect our mental health and mood. Money can significantly help in the current situation and improve our condition, but there is a financial level, after which the influence of money on well-being decreases.
So, a 2018 study showed that North Americans who earn $105 a year are satisfied with their lives. But when they start getting bigger paychecks, their happiness levels drop. Another study suggests that people become happier as their income rises, but only until they start earning $75 a year.
Why doesn’t money become the measure of happiness? First, because you can’t buy happiness. Secondly, as incomes grow, so do our appetites, which means that we are never satisfied. Also, we can’t stop comparing our wealth to others and get stuck in this exhausting race. So what do we really need?
1. Mindfulness
An important step on the path to feeling emotional well-being is to learn to be aware of yourself in the moment and understand what our brain is doing in any given unit of time. To do this, it is not at all necessary to sign up for meditation marathons and spend several hours a day trying to delve into yourself.
Just close your eyes and take 10 deep breaths. Or, when your mind is solving some problems, concentrate on the sensations in the body. You can refer to these practices at any time of the day – on the way to work, while cleaning, or chatting with a friend.
2. Meaningfulness
Numerous studies prove that people who have a goal and whose every action is filled with meaning not only feel better, but also live longer. Let us recall at least Viktor Frankl and his experience of surviving in a concentration camp: “Nietzsche’s words can serve as the motto of all psychotherapeutic work carried out in a concentration camp: “He who knows the “why” to live will overcome almost any “how”.
Turn to your true values and bring different areas of your life in line with them. If you are charged with connecting with your family, pay attention to how your daily activities serve this purpose – for example, cleaning, restoring coziness and order at home, helping children with homework.
Or maybe you are striving to earn more and climb the career ladder just in order to give more to your loved ones? You can look at any, even the most mundane and routine things differently if you remember why you are doing them, Richard Davidson is sure.
“Practicing gratitude, showing kindness, enjoying the moment are all very important, too,” recalls Sonya Lubomirsky. “However, don’t focus too much on the fact that all this should make you happy.” Instead of listening to the echoes of happiness in yourself, it is often more beneficial to simply live.