Is it necessary to be able to forgive: how to benefit from forgiveness?

Welcome to the site dedicated to psychology! Today I want to talk about such an important character trait as the ability to forgive. Indeed, in modern realities, this phenomenon is becoming less and less common.

For forgiveness

Let’s think about how many people are able to forgive? And how often is the ability to forgive perceived by others as a sign of weakness? Consider that you need to be strong enough to forgive — mentally and spiritually strong.

First of all, it should be noted that among the population you will not meet a single ideal person who has never offended anyone in his life and has not been offended himself.

According to psychologists, resentment is inherent in children: this is how they talk about what upsets them. But this feeling is not alien to adults either. How to get rid of it and learn to forgive? Let’s figure it out.

The Purpose of Forgiveness

In human nature, everything is laid down in such a way that we are looking for benefits everywhere. This also applies to forgiveness: the person you offended must be motivated. Those. he wants to benefit from forgiving his offender. After all, by and large, the importance of forgiveness is not explained to us.

Let’s think about it… Why do people admire the ability to forgive so much? Why do some forgive without any nuances, while others need to beg for this same forgiveness?

1. First, forgiveness is a purely individual skill, but it is a kind of game for individuals.
2. Secondly, a stereotype system has been established: the offender asks for forgiveness from the one he offended.

But I assure you, it absolutely does not matter who you are in this system. Here, your inner state comes to the fore, because forgiveness must come from within. And the problem is that insincere forgiveness can do the same harm to a person as if he had not been forgiven or did not forgive.

And yet, let’s figure out whether such a skill is important today.

Think about how often you get angry and annoyed when you could not forgive, accept, let go. And then you focus only on the factor that hooked you and disturbed your peace of mind. Everything around loses its meaning: you become fixated on the problem, but do not look for solutions.

Benefit and Importance

The ability to forgive carries with it a huge benefit. Thus, the greatness and humanity of each of us is manifested. Depending on whether you offended the person or offended yourself, do one of two things:

1. Forgive the person who offended you, even if he has not yet asked for it.
2. Forgive yourself to get rid of guilt. It is depressing.

Here are some reasons why you should learn the skill of forgiveness:

1. no need to strain yourself anymore to clearly remember the details when the offense occurred;
2. all events and experiences remain in the past and no longer haunt you;
3. you have no one else to blame, so all negative emotions go away;
4. you use your time meaningfully.

Important! If you are unable to say goodbye to what burdens you, even when you have forgiven, then you should contact a specialist.

What needs to be done on the path to forgiveness?

It is very important that everyone learn to forgive. Children, unlike us adults, are able not only to forgive their offenders, but also to part with all the negativity that this or that situation carries. We are able to remember everything that is unpleasant for us, to keep it in our heads for a long time, thereby poisoning our consciousness and life. We think that we are harming our offenders as well. But no. You have forgiven them and they return to their existence. Thus, you all remember to your detriment.

Forgiveness and letting go must be conscious. Show your kindness in forgiveness. It’s so great when, while living for the benefit of others, you also benefit yourself.

Resentment is an integral part of life: it is impossible to predict what can upset this or that person. Their source is an act contrary to the desires of another. And this is quite normal.

Think: what provokes our resentment? That which does not suit us. And then you have an irresistible desire for the offender to admit that he was wrong. And how long do you hold a grudge just to hear from the guilty «sorry»?

There are those among us who keep anger and resentment in their minds for years until they are apologized to. And let each of us think about whether he belongs to those who so zealously guard all that negativity in themselves in order to show the grace of forgiveness in the end.

It is better to accept people as they are — and then you will not be offended by anything, because you will have a feeling of understanding.

Each of us is the master of our own destiny, and has no right to sulk at a person who acted in this way and not otherwise. And if something is unpleasant for you, it does not mean that others should follow your needs.

Feel free to exchange anger for mercy, and you will see that resentment will disappear when you stop waiting for an apology.

How does the mechanism of resentment work?

Human psychology in this regard is simple. You have been offended, and you are waiting for an apology. At the same time, you can clearly see only the guilt for which you are waiting for an apology. And here you are missing a number of nuances that you provoked when creating an unpleasant situation. For example:

1. you are too categorical in your beliefs;
2. you misinterpreted the motives of the actions of the so-called offender;
3. you set off a chain reaction following one word or another you said or an act you did.

Drawing a conclusion from this, we can say that we ourselves often become the cause of our grievances.

Please remember how often in your life you, not understanding what you did wrong, followed the principle: “If you are offended by me, then continue.” And you, most likely, have already forgotten about what happened, and left the life of this or that person without apologizing. And what happens to him at this time? He gradually poisons himself. Namely:

• he no longer trusts people, fearing the same blow;
• fixated only on his offense;
• constantly expects a repetition of the situation;
• is a provocateur in order to verify the treachery of others;
• does not notice really sincere and good people.

How to learn to forgive?

Only with time do we understand how stupid and senseless the offense was. After all, she really harmed us when we were offended. Forgiveness is already worth it for the reason to go to a clean and bright future.

Forgiveness also has the following benefits:

• you are pleased to take this or that step, while you do not suffer;
• you are calm;
• only good memories remain in your memory, or you are building new relationships from scratch;
• to be imperfect is normal, to offend because of ignorance too;
• let go of guilt and do not expect an apology in return;
• analyze: you should determine what hooked you so much, and there will be your weak point.

Conclusion

Remember: resentment, whatever it may be, is always a weakness that allows you to manipulate you. If you learn to let go of resentment for good, then at least you will become a little stronger, and your opponents will lose the opportunity to use you for their own purposes.

To be able to forgive is important and useful. Be kind to people!

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Also, we recommend reading an article about interpersonal relationships between people.