Is it good to tell our partner that we are attracted to other people?

Is it good to tell our partner that we are attracted to other people?

Sexuality

There are two important ingredients that make relationships work over the years: communication and trust. If one of them wobbles, it is very likely that the feeling of attraction for another person is not communicated in our relationship

There is no manual to understand our feelings, and the truth is that if there were one that clarifies those that refer to love, life would be much simpler … And it is that our eyes and mind can fixate on a person and not stop thinking about She regardless of having a partner: in a meeting, at a party or even at the bus stop we can feel the so-called “love at first sight” or attraction, and not get that person out of our heads.

We may know how to manage these thoughts, but should we share them with our partner? Lidia Alvarado, psychologist and expert in love relationships, says that, first of all, you have to understand that having a partner does not cancel out our ability to feel attraction and, therefore, “we could be attracted to other people even if we have a stable and extraordinary relationship”: “The feeling of attraction to someone It’s not like a switch that you turn on or off when you want (now I put it, now I take it off), you simply feel it regardless of your will. We do not own it and we cannot consciously decide if someone attracts us or not, nor when I want a person to attract me. It just feels like it comes naturally and obeys mental patterns. “

Now, the important thing is not to feel attracted to others, but what is done with that feeling of attraction. Each person is responsible for handling it as they wish. «You can just leave it there, without feeding it or giving it an opportunity for it to grow and become something more than just attraction; or you can give it a space in your life and enhance it, making it bigger, thus turning it into a threat to the continuity of your relationship as a couple, “warns the psychologist Lidia Alvarado.

When the attraction becomes something else

If we pay attention to that feeling of attraction, fantasizing about it, imagining situations in which it materializes and, above all, fostering a rapprochement with that person Through conversations or appointments, the expert in couple relationships tells us that we will be exponentially increasing the chances that that initial attraction will transform into something very different called love.

«When we open the door of our life to a person who attracts us, we are giving him the opportunity to meet him. If we like what we see, without realizing it and stealthily we are adding an ingredient that will enhance our initial feeling of attraction and transform it into another deeper feeling», It indicates.

Apparently, as Lidia Alvarado says, there is a line that separates attraction from love, but it is very fine and if you skip it you will enter a terrain that could put your stable relationship at risk, «especially when in your relationship there are already problems and things are not working quite well ». It is in these cases that you are most likely to choose not to curb the attraction you feel.

Do I tell you or not?

There are two especially important ingredients that make relationships work over the years: channels and the Trust. When there is communication in the relationship, both will have the absolute certainty that everything that is relevant to both will be told. When there is trust, they will also have the assurance that the other person will always look out for the good of the relationship.

“I would love for all couples to be equally evolved so that they could talk openly about this issue, but the reality is not like that,” explains the psychologist. Therefore, the answer to whether or not to tell our partner will depend on the level of development in which the couple’s relationship is.

“In a healthy, symmetrical and balanced relationship Where there are the two magical ingredients that I mentioned before, it should be communicated to our partner that we are attracted to another person and it should be done completely naturally, because they both know that being attracted to someone does not mean that they feel love. And, in addition, both of them are clear that your partner will not nurture that attraction or make it grow», Advises Lidia Alvarado.

On the other hand, in a less evolved relationship, telling our partner that we are attracted to another person can cause problems and generate distrust. «What type of relationship is one in which there is no full trust in your partner? Is it really a relationship or is it something else? There I leave this reflection ”, concludes the expert, who makes us reflect and think about how we would act if we saw ourselves in a similar situation.