Widowed men are much more likely than women to enter into new relationships and remarry. Why is this happening? Do they suffer less? In fact, in this way they seek to fill the spiritual emptiness.
It is generally accepted that men avoid marriage and, unlike women, are not as actively seeking to formalize relationships. At the same time, widowers are much more likely to remarry than widows. Researcher on widowhood issues, professor of philosophy Camila Wortman from Stony Brook University (USA) calculated that 25% of widowers and only 5% of widows remarry.
In the first year after the loss of a spouse, only 7% of women and more than half of men enter into sexual relations. Two years later, 61% of men find themselves in a new relationship, while among women this figure is three times less.
It is in the first few years after the tragic event that the most difficult period in the recovery process occurs – the reaction, followed by adaptation.
Yes, time can really heal: over the years, the feeling of an unfair loss is dulled.
Memory more readily retains positive moments from life together. But even decades later, “subjective well-being” (a sense of happiness and satisfaction with life) does not reach its original level.
People who have experienced the loss of a loved one are plagued by depression, anxiety, and loneliness. However, those of them who have decided to remarry, these heavy feelings are tormented to a much lesser extent. Why do men more often than women choose this way to heal spiritual wounds? There are several reasons for this.
1. Demography
Men have more opportunities in finding a new life partner. This is due to demographics: the number of women prevails over the number of men. For example, according to Rosstat data for 2021, there were 1000 women for every 1154 men. This trend is especially strong among people over 30 years old, and the gap only increases with each year of life.
2. Social connections
Usually women have a wider social circle. Although the same study by psychologists from the University of Michigan shows that during the reaction period, social connections cannot dramatically improve the condition of a widowed person, friendship and support from those around them become a significant factor in recovery in the long run. For men, most often it is the spouse who is the center of emotional and social life.
3. Degree of affection
The stronger it is, the deeper the depression from the loss will be. Women more often interpret the search for a new partner as a replacement for a loved one, which causes a feeling of guilt and unwillingness to build a new union. And children usually support this view of the remarriage of one of their parents.
But in deeply attached widowers, psychologists note the opposite reaction than in widows. Such men are more willing to enter into new relationships. “A man loses more when his wife dies. Usually, women take care of their spouse, monitor their health, run the household, ”says Dr. Worthman.
4. Life
Traditionally, the burden of housekeeping falls on women’s shoulders. Having been widowed, a woman finds herself faced with a smaller circle of routine chores, although she is more likely to face financial difficulties. A man, on the contrary, has to act in an unexpected role for himself. The older he is, the stronger the depression from meeting with household issues one on one.
Men are generally less adaptable to widowhood, which is the reason for their more frequent remarriage. This is partly due to the fact that a widower is a statistically much rarer phenomenon (for example, in Russia there are six times fewer widowers than widows).
Before the eyes of a man, there are fewer behaviors that could be adopted
Widowed women are more cautious about the possible loss of their freedom and the need to again take care of another man. But people who have gone through the loss of a loved one, regardless of gender, note that they have become stronger personalities.
For some, loneliness becomes mandatory in the recovery recipe, for others, the support of a new partner. In this case, none of the options can be called right or wrong. Each person has their own path and their own answer to the question “Should I enter into a new relationship, am I ready for them?”