Despite the abundance of information, we still have a lot of prejudices that can complicate intimate life. Sexologist and psychoanalyst Catherine Blanc analyzes one of these popular opinions every month.
“Maybe we should first think about what loyalty is? Why are we keeping it? Perhaps this gives us reason to expect such behavior from a partner? In doing so, we strive to find next to him that sense of security that we once dreamed of. Wanting to be the one and only for someone (just like in childhood, when we wanted to be the main thing in the mother’s life), we promise fidelity to ease our anxiety. It happens that relationships in a couple are based mainly on the fear that the masculine or feminine qualities of partners will be mutually questioned. Is there a shade of notorious selfishness in such fidelity?
In addition, everyone has their own ideas about treason. For some, it arises already where there is a thought about another person or an exchange of views. For others, infidelity is out of the question if there was no penetration or real strong feelings. And some start full-fledged relationships on the side and are sincerely sure that they are not deceiving anyone if one does not interfere with the other.
What really matters is the quality of our relationship with a partner — isn’t it? Do they retain their former charm, or has aggression appeared? Are there too many comparisons with someone else?
We cannot prevent the emergence of desire, for this we would have to cut off a significant part of what makes up our essence. This means that we must learn to calmly relate to the fact that we sometimes experience impulses to infidelity — this does not mean at all that we must move on to action.
In most cases, such impulses help us feel attractive, beautiful, strive for success in our relationships, add energy to each of the partners and the union as a whole. Ideally, we should say to ourselves: “I love you the way you are, and this gives me joy. And if I remain faithful to you, it is not because I have a need for this, but because we have a real, wonderful relationship. However, as a rule, we are overwhelmed with anxiety and the desire to control everything, so achieving such an ideal is not at all easy.