Many consider empathy to be synonymous with compassion. In most cases, this is true, but we must not forget that the ability to «read» the state of others is often used for personal gain, psychologist Christian Hart warns.
Relations between people are built on mutual understanding. Empathy helps you put yourself in the place of another, accept different points of view, understand what people around you think and feel.
Such different empathy
In psychology, there is a term “emotional contagion”, which means that others transmit their feelings and moods to us. This is called emotional empathy. For example, if someone hits our finger with a hammer, we wince and cringe, as if we were hurt too. If we see how the one who has lost a loved one is crying, we will be upset.
In addition, people are characterized by cognitive empathy — the ability to capture the train of thought and the psychological mood of the interlocutor. We can almost always guess what the other person is thinking and put ourselves in their position. When a colleague is denied a promotion, it’s easy to put yourself in his shoes, understand what he is experiencing and how he will behave. The ability to analyze the state of others allows you to foresee the further development of events.
Empathy is often equated with empathy. When someone’s pain and sadness echo in us, we are ready to support and console. It is empathy that causes a desire to help and do selfless deeds. Paves the way for collaboration. After all, if we are able to accept someone else’s point of view and take into account mutual interests, then most likely we will come to an agreement and be able to work together.
The art of lying
However, not all social ties are based on mutual assistance, generosity and kindness. Sometimes we meet those who seek to disrupt our plans, surpass, deceive and harm. Such relationships are like a game of chess. In order to win, you need to outwit the enemy and unravel his intentions. Understand how he thinks and what he will do. Empathy helps you put yourself in the enemy’s shoes.
Often, our rivals begin to pretend to achieve their goals. We do not even suspect what deceit can be hidden behind external benevolence. But how do they manage to lull our vigilance? It’s all about empathy — thanks to it, there are so many talented scammers in the world. Their success is due to an unsurpassed ability to play on our feelings.
The more closely a person observes the emotions of others, the better he is able to lie.
Fraudsters carefully study the victim they are going to use. Among them there are real artists who can accurately identify weaknesses, see in others greed, loneliness, kindness or despair. It doesn’t cost them anything to get into our head, press the right buttons and circle around your finger.
However, one should not think that only scammers use empathy for base purposes. We all cheat and pretend from time to time — to avoid punishment, to spare someone’s feelings, to take revenge, to profit. According to research, most people lie on average one to two times a day. The more attentively a person observes the emotions of others, the better he is able to lie.
The art of deception is built on empathy. To make a lie seem convincing, you need to find out what is going on in the head of the interlocutor. Calculate what he knows and what he doesn’t. Anticipate potential questions. Speak in a way that does not raise doubts about honesty. Understand what he thinks and feels and how he is going to act. That is, in order to mislead someone, it is necessary to use all the empathic potential.
The connection between empathy and deception was confirmed by a recent experiment. The participants with the highest scores on the Capacity for Compassion Scale were the ones who lied the most. Perhaps their exceptional gift for reading people makes them disingenuous.
little liars
People learn to lie at the age of two or three. Everyone must have met children who have barely learned to speak, but are already trying to clumsily lie. Over time, they hone the skill and become skilled deceivers. From the point of view of developmental psychology, cognitive empathy plays a decisive role in the development of a tendency to lie.
Experts have found that at some stage all young children lie. This happens when they first realize that those around them are arranged differently and everyone has their own goals, concepts and beliefs. As soon as the child learns that everyone has their own view of life, he immediately uses this knowledge in order to manipulate.
But, despite everything, empathy is more often understood as the ability to sympathize. With its help, we notice that the other is in a bad mood. Thanks to her, we select the right words when it’s hard for a loved one. Nevertheless, we must not forget that it is empathy that can become a weapon of deception and manipulation.
About the Expert: Christian L. Hart is a psychologist and director of the Psychology Education Program at Texas Woman’s University.