Contents
Co-sleeping: what impact on the couple?
The co-sleeping is on the rise. This practice, which consists in making the baby sleep in bed of the parents during its first months, is more and more frequent. For its defenders, sharing your bed with your baby allows closeness that promotes breastfeeding and reassures the newborn. Co-sleeping is however not recommended by professionals, because without precautions, it can present dangers for the child: risk of fall, suffocation, hyperthermia. And on the sex side, it could be a brake on the resumption of sexuality within the couple. Even if it is not limited to the bedroom, we can understand that it is difficult to have a intimate life when you share your bed with a baby.
Resumption of sexual life: a variable time
Women who have given birth to their first child would take an average of six weeks before resuming sex with their partner, according to an Australian study. But others wait longer, six months or even a year. Does the co-sleeping have an impact on the love life of couples? The psychoanalyst Myriam Szejer, specialist in maternity is convinced of this.
Co-sleeping: a thoughtful decision
In some countries in Africa or Asia, it is normal for a child to sleep with his parents. Co-sleeping is an established ritual, and social life is organized in such a way that in the couple, the parents know how to find each other. In our societies, it is something else, the sharing of the bed with the baby is not cultural, and consequently, more difficult to set up. “This practice must be decided in a reasoned way,” emphasizes Myriam Szejer. If it is imposed by one of the parents or practiced without real questioning, while sheltering behind the dogma that “it is good for the baby”, then there are risks and in particular for the couple. “
When the co-sleeping hides a flaw in the couple
The balance of the couple after the birth of a baby is fragile. The mother is often very involved in the care of the baby and the father may feel left out. Playing the proximity card at all costs with your little one does not improve the situation. “Some women make a couple with their child and take pleasure in this situation,” says Myriam Szejer. The risk is that this fusional relationship becomes a pretext for not resuming sexual relations. We must then ask who serves the co-sleeping: the mother or the child? The situation suits some fathers who think that this period is the mother’s business and willingly exclude themselves as long as they do not feel their wives are available. The fact remains that if the situation drags on and if everyone seems to have something to do with it, it is better to question yourself. Especially since children are very receptive to their parents’ unconscious. “They may feel that their mother does not want to sleep without them, even if she cannot admit it to herself,” adds the psychoanalyst. They can then themselves refuse to leave the marital bed. “
Testimonial: “Co-sleeping or not, my libido was flat after my childbirth”
“We currently have two little boys Paul (20 months) and Simon (4 months). Our children slept in our room. The first in his own bed. The second, who was very restless, slept between the two of us until he was 3 months old. Dad and I weren’t very comfortable with Simon between us. In my case, I would say that it was not the co-sleeping that had an influence on our intimate and sex life, but rather simply becoming a mother. I’m a breastfeeding mom who, in the months after giving birth, was pretty tired with low libido. Paul left our room at 5 and a half months and yet we did not resume the hugs until two months later. Afterwards, it is true that if we had practiced the co-sleeping for more than 6 months, it would perhaps have had a real impact on our intimacy, although there are always a few moments when the little one finally sleeps alone. »Sonia