Is casual sex good for you?

How do casual relationships affect a person’s emotional state? That is what psychologists from New York and Cornell Universities decided to find out. They expected that the subjects’ self-esteem would decrease and anxiety would arise. But the result surprised scientists.

The experimental group included students of both sexes who practiced one-time sexual relations – with casual partners, friends, former lovers, a total of 371 volunteers. At the same time, 42% of the participants were those who entered into casual relationships while in a permanent relationship.

During the 12 weeks of the experiment, the subjects filled out diaries, where they recorded their random connections that occurred during this period of time, and described the sensations associated with what happened. A study of the records showed that after another connection for one night, most students experienced an improvement in their emotional state. They felt quite comfortable: a casual relationship brought them a sense of satisfaction with life and increased self-esteem.

A surprising discovery for scientists was that connections “on the side” did not burden even those subjects who were in stable relationships, and those, we recall, were a little less than half.

Scientists noted that unpleasant emotions during casual relationships were mainly received by those who, at moments of intimacy, forgot about contraceptives or were intoxicated.

Further research has shown that the pleasure of a casual relationship depends on motivation. So, casual sex can also cause depression – in the event that the reason was a desire to take revenge on another partner, increase self-esteem, or forget about life’s troubles.

What do the results of this study say?

Psychologist-sexologist Galina Dmitrieva believes that this topic is not so simple and unambiguous. It is important to consider many nuances before drawing any conclusions and trying to apply them to your own life.

“Psychologists and sexologists have been arguing for a long time about how to relate to casual sex, but they still haven’t come to a common position,” says Dmitrieva. – Largely because the reaction of people to casual sex is not considered in a complex, but in fragments. And the result is rather one-sided. This is exactly what happened to researchers at New York and Cornell Universities. And that’s why:

1. The focus group consisted exclusively of people practicing casual sex. Not once, but from several times to regular experience. It’s “strange” that the study showed that most of the “test subjects” experienced positive emotions as a result, isn’t it? It’s like recruiting a focus group to study “Do people like candy bars?” of people who regularly snack on chocolate bars and be surprised at the result.

2. The researchers did not take into account a number of important factors, including the social level, value system and worldview of the respondents, which largely influence people’s attitudes to various phenomena in their lives.

Representatives of different social and cultural strata have completely different attitudes towards sexuality. For example, for many conservative communities, this topic is taboo, but for representatives of the “bohemian” and the arts, it is often the other way around.

Therefore, the assertion that casual sex should give rise to negative emotions and shame in people is initially false. The same is true for the attitudes of the study participants.

Recall the story of the glass that was half empty for some and half full for others. Same here. One person will be upset by the fact of casual sex, because he will decide that he is not worthy of a second meeting and a permanent partner. And the other in the same situation will think: “I am irresistible, I can find a partner anywhere and at any time.”

3. Researchers incorrectly classified the object of study. The conclusions say that negative emotions from casual sex were received only by people who practiced “socially dangerous sex” – in a state of intoxication and without the use of contraceptives. Neither one nor the other does not belong to the term “casual sex”.

In the first case, these are violent acts of a sexual nature using the helpless state of another person, and in the second, a violation of the principle of safe sex, which can lead to infection with STDs and an unwanted pregnancy. Both of these cases refer to deviant sexual behavior, which is most likely associated with psychological problems and internal complexes. It is they who push them to such actions, which further destroy their self-esteem and plunge them into a “spiral of depression”.

Despite the fact that the results of the study turned out to be rather biased, they raise important questions. This small educational program will be useful both for people who regularly practice sex with unfamiliar partners, and for those who prefer monogamous relationships.

1. When can you afford to have casual sex?

When you meet three important conditions:

• You are sure that you enter into this connection consciously and voluntarily. You understand and agree to the terms under which this communication takes place.
• You do not have any subconscious motives for entering into it: depression, desire to get rid of loneliness, revenge or increase self-esteem.
• You observe “safety precautions”, both physiological (you use barrier contraception) and psychological (you are confident in the adequacy of a random partner and meet in a safe place).

2. Should you have casual sex?

As a sexologist, I would not recommend this. Not only because of certain health risks, but rather because only a very small percentage of people get an orgasm during their first intercourse with an unfamiliar partner. This is especially true for women.

To get an orgasm in such a situation, you need to either know your body very well and master all the techniques of a “quick” orgasm to perfection, or have a really experienced partner who will be well acquainted with female physiology. And this, as you understand, is one chance in a million.

3. How to treat casual sex as a phenomenon?

Neutral. This is the choice of each individual person, which does not characterize him in any way from a moral point of view. Everyone has a different sexual constitution, sexual needs and psychological reasons for this. In sexology there is no definition of “bad” and “good” sex. Everything that happens between two partners consciously and on a voluntary basis is a variant of the sexual norm.