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Irvin Yalom is a recognized authority in the field of psychotherapy and a best-selling author on psychology. We publish his most interesting statements on the topic of fear of death, modern psychotherapy and absolute happiness that comes with age.
About writing
“At first I wrote scientific articles, because it was a necessary condition for working at the university. From the very beginning, in my early writings, I sought to understand how, why, and to what extent psychotherapy is effective. First of all, I wanted my readers to appreciate the importance of group therapy, to understand how it works. I have devoted many years to this task.
Perhaps one thing can be said about all my books: each of them is designed to train young, aspiring psychotherapists.
Gradually, I began to pay more and more attention to the story, the story of various cases. Even my first book—I think it was so successful because it had a lot of patient stories—there were stories, sometimes one paragraph long, sometimes several pages long.
The goal has always remained the same — to tell about psychotherapy, to explain to others what therapy is and how it works. Then I moved from individual short stories to full-fledged novels. I wrote several books about philosophers who influenced the development of psychotherapy, in the form of a novel, because I decided that this was the most successful and effective way to introduce others to them.
The relationship between therapist and patient
“In traditional psychoanalysis, the therapist showed very little openness in dealing with the patient. When I started doing Freudian analysis, I had to go through therapy myself. My therapist was a woman. I met with her four times a week for three years in a row, but I hardly saw her: she was sitting behind me. I am much closer to the model in which the therapist and the patient meet face to face when they are connected with each other.
In my book Liar on the Couch, I describe an episode from the practice of Freud’s friend, Sandor Ferenczi. He suggested to one colleague, as an experiment, dual therapy: for an hour, one of them leads a session, and the other becomes a patient. Then they switch roles. It was a very interesting experience. In my work, I myself focus on the “here and now” method. What’s going on in this room between us right now is the most important thing.»
About modern methods of therapy
“I try not to be old-fashioned, I follow new trends in psychotherapy. Many of my colleagues conduct therapy sessions via video link. At first I didn’t like it very much. I have always believed that the main thing in therapy is direct contact. But about five years ago I was approached by a woman who lives in a remote town in Greenland and there is not a single therapist for miles around her.
I started working with her via video call, and it turned out to be very effective.
Among other things, one of her problems was that she was very afraid of close communication with anyone. And I got the impression that if we could work in the usual way, being in the same room, we would not be able to move forward like that. And this format allowed her to feel more comfortable.
About the psychotherapeutic gift
“When I start working with students, it often takes me a few weeks to tell which of them will become a good therapist. Psychologist Carl Rogers said, “Therapists are not trained, they are selected.” But to become a real professional, you must definitely go through your own therapy. You have to do this kind of work on yourself for the rest of your life. And of course, there should be feedback, exchange of experience.
Many years ago, with some of my colleagues, we organized a peer support group. We didn’t have a leader, we just wanted to support each other and share experiences. We continue to meet once every two weeks. Sometimes these meetings are purely therapeutic in nature, sometimes we discuss issues that concern one of us specifically. Our group has been around for 25 years and I still look forward to every meeting.»
On the fear of death
“I believe that each of us is afraid of death exactly to the extent that he feels that he could not live life the way he would like. I always ask patients the question: “What do you regret in your life?” Then I tell them: “Imagine that we meet in a year or two. What new regrets have you accumulated during this time? “This question allows them to focus on how they would like to live their lives in order to regret less.”
About different
“I don’t think there are significant differences in therapy for people of different cultures and eras. We are all worried about the same things — we are mortal, we grow old, we lose loved ones, we do not find meaning in life. These are universal things and they don’t change with time.»
“Our psychological problems are connected not only with childhood. A person can experience psychological trauma (for example, the death of a loved one) at any time in his life, and then he will need the help of a therapist.
“I often think about what would have happened if in my early youth I had the opportunity to visit a psychotherapist — what would we talk about. Maybe someday I’ll write a book about it.»
“I think if I had not become a psychotherapist, I would have chosen the profession of a doctor.”
“I am now 87 years old, and in the last 15 years, psychologically, I feel better than ever before. I feel happier.»