It’s hard to find people who never get irritated. Alas, life often gives us reasons for this. There is something wrong here, something goes wrong there. But do we always understand the true cause of irritation? After all, it can mask other feelings. Psychologist Anna Sokolova talks about this, as well as how to “deal with” this emotion.
You returned home, and again unwashed dishes in the sink. Annoys. Or you are trying to sleep, and suddenly a mosquito starts squeaking above your ear. Annoys? Still would. In general, there are a lot of things in life that can annoy us.
A job you don’t like but have to do. The boss who is always dissatisfied with something. A friend who is late. Colleagues who distract. The bus that doesn’t exist anymore. Surely you can continue the list.
Irritation occurs when something in life does not go the way we want. When we cannot control the situation or other people. And it hinders the achievement of our goals. For example, we can feel irritated with ourselves when we sit back and waste our lives.
Irritation, like any emotion, resembles a compass needle. It shows you where to focus your attention. In what area of life is something wrong happening to us, for example, a need is not satisfied. And signals that it is time to take some action.
Irritation can be a reaction to an external specific event (a child scattered toys, it rained at the wrong time, etc.). But sometimes it appears as if for no reason. «As if» — because there is always a reason, it’s just hidden from us in the depths of the psyche. We just feel emotional discomfort and say: «Everything annoys me.» Or «annoying». There is a voltage that needs to be discharged.
Hidden reasons
When we feel irritated, it is important to understand what caused it. And often behind the superficial reason — for example: «It annoys me when other people touch me» — lies another, deeper one. Why is it so annoying for us?
It is also important to remember that this emotion is born within us, and not caused by someone from outside. Common phrases “HE annoys me”, “SHE infuriates me” shift the responsibility to other people. And then we become victims of THEIR bad actions. This is not a very advantageous position, because from it we are powerless to change anything.
By returning responsibility for our emotions to ourselves, we, firstly, can learn a lot of interesting things: “Hmm, why does this annoy me? What is behind this?» Secondly, having understood the cause of irritation, we can help ourselves to cope with this unpleasant state much faster and return to a calm and happy attitude. We have a choice of what we want to do with this emotion.
Sometimes it is not so easy to understand the cause, because, as we said, irritation can be caused both by an objective external cause (the squeak of a mosquito) and an internal biased one.
Feeling unwell can make us particularly vulnerable to external stimuli.
For example, imagine a person who is annoyed by kissing couples in the park. Behind this irritation may be an internal prohibition on the expression of feelings. Anger can mask other emotions as well. Someone, for example, is pissed off by questions about himself. Under the reluctance to talk about yourself, shame and low self-esteem can be hidden. And the fear that everyone will find out what he «really» is.
Sometimes irritation hides anger. For example, we were very angry with a loved one, but suppressed it, did not show it, but instead we begin to get annoyed for any reason.
Guilt can also be hidden there, when it is easier for us to feel annoyed than to admit that we did something wrong.
Or maybe envy. Do you know how sometimes annoying someone else’s happiness or success? In general, in the world of emotions, everything is often confused. And under some emotions others can be hidden, and under them — the third.
Sometimes there may not be an external cause. This is the state that irritates everything around. The reasons may be different. And the same internal conflict, when conflicting desires, thoughts, aspirations collide in us.
Or we are just exhausted, tired or stressed for a long time. There may be physiological reasons, such as hormonal imbalance. Feeling unwell can make us particularly vulnerable to external stimuli. And then we need to rest and recover more.
How do you deal with something specific that annoys you?
For example, you come home from a hard day, and a three-year-old has scattered toys all over the house.
The «recipe» here is the following:
1. Become aware of how you feel at the physical level.
2. Take a break and do not react in any way to what is happening. Take a deep breath, let the emotion go.
3. Accept a reality that you cannot change or control. Accept all your feelings.
4. Expand your perspective (these are just toys), don’t make drama out of what’s going on, and don’t screw yourself up.
5. Choose the best possible course of action. For example: “First I will rest and have dinner, and then we will collect toys together with the child.”
6. Smile at yourself, your child and the world.
The last point is perhaps the most important. Have a nice summer and less irritation!