How to become weak and feminine?
This question is asked by the girl Lena on one of the psychological forums. “I have a strong character,” she explains. “My mother ran everything in our family. Father and grandfather not only did not have the right to vote, but simply did not interfere in household affairs. Our men were fond of fishing, played chess with each other, and the rest did not particularly interest them. Mom stood in queues, got some kind of vouchers, shortages, medicines. She dealt with apartment bills, went to parent-teacher meetings, checked my diaries, sealed windows for the winter, planted seedlings in the spring. She watched over our house and each of us, guided, protected. In the 1990s, when they stopped paying salaries, I went to Turkey, bought jackets, sweaters, children’s suits there — I sold all this on the market. From her I learned to be firm, strong. She immediately crushed her first husband, decided everything on her own, he never even hammered a nail himself. Now I am married for the second time. And again I am the leader, the leader. The foreman who was renovating our new apartment laughs: “Lena, I saw your husband twice: he shook my hand at the beginning of the repair: “Very nice to meet you” and at the end: “Thank you for your work.” The rest of the time you were with us.» I bought materials, made design decisions, delved into all the subtleties of construction, controlled every step of my workers. At the same time, she still worked and the child was on me. Well, is it possible? What have I become? How to stop being an iron lady? How to become weak, tender, feminine?
Lovers of psychology, of course, immediately began to explain to Lena that it was not at all necessary to equate femininity and weakness. Feminists also joined in: “If you have leadership qualities, then why eradicate them, why destroy your personality?”, finally diverting the conversation to the side. And I thought: how many such Flaxes do we have in our country? They think that their husbands obey them. But to obey means to follow instructions. And here there are even no instructions, except for “Honey, put on your hat.” The man puts on his hat and leaves, withdraws himself, ignores the unpleasant work: “I’m going fishing, and you, dear, while you deal with galloping horses and burning huts. I’ll be back and check.»
If Lena really ruled everything and had a strong character, then household duties would be divided at least in half, without all these: «I’d rather do everything quickly than wait until he swings.» And if she were a tyrant, she herself would sit on the shore of the lake, looking relaxed at the float, while her husband would rush around the construction market in search of gypsum plaster.
“It’s not you who crushed your husband, but he simply uses you,” — I’m not the only one who came up with such an idea. But Lena did not seem to notice this comment or considered it a joke. And there is nothing funny. In vain the girl is killed: “Oh, how could I become weak!” — she is an absolutely weak and helpless person, tearing herself under the load of problems, unable to even ask for help. She either knows in advance that she will not receive this help from her partner, or she cannot imagine that this happens in the family at all. She found herself in the same familiar scenery that she had seen in childhood.
What’s wrong with your husband? All everyday life, including the very “male work”, is on the wife. Trump: “Look at you! You’ve turned into a man a long time ago!» — in the sleeve. You can relax and, from time to time, spurring your spouse with guilt, enjoy life.
Well, who’s in charge here, Lena?