Biological affiliation to the male sex is rather only the foundation on which the building of masculinity is erected. But it predetermines the architecture of this building. The sexologist explains.
Psychologies: The phrase of Simone de Beauvoir “Women are not born, but become” at one time turned the idea of femininity upside down. The writer and philosopher emphatically stated that biology does not determine everything. Can the same be said about men?
I. P .: Partly possible. Although it would be more correct to say that both women and men are not only born, but also become. And this process continues throughout life. In infancy, biological mechanisms play a decisive role. And the older a person is, the more important the psychological, social and spiritual mechanisms become. The main thing is to understand that the original biological properties are not final, not final and not fatal. You can compare it to sports. Imagine two boys: one has a brilliant ability in some kind of sport, the other is quite average. Can it turn out that in 10 years, those who are endowed with less abilities will achieve higher results? Of course, it can: due to well-organized training, strong-willed efforts and many other factors. The same can be said about the formation of qualities that define a man.
How are these qualities “trained”?
I. P .: It all depends on which of them are considered decisive. For example, until recently it was customary to say that the army turns boys into men. And the young people who served were really distinguished by their independence, physical strength, one might say, greater masculinity compared to their peers who did not serve. The reasons are very simple: detachment from the familiar environment, lack of influence from the immediate environment, constant physical activity, a new circle in which it is necessary to assert oneself – and primarily by force. Here’s your workout.
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- What does it mean to be a man?
Your answer implies a very specific set of qualities that define a man.
I. P .: Not at all, I have clarified that everyone is free to determine these qualities for himself. I believe that today’s men are lucky: they live in a time when there is no need to assert themselves only with the help of physical strength. They can find their place in life and gain self-confidence in a variety of ways – through intelligence, social skills …
However, you must admit that in recent decades, much more social opportunities have opened up just for women. Doesn’t this mean a narrowing of opportunities for men?
I. P .: You are right that it was women who got more opportunities. But there is no need to talk about any narrowing of male possessions. As a maximum – about the increased competition. But it just should be only useful for men! Competitive behavior is one of the traits due to the very belonging to the male sex.
Why?
I. P .: This is perhaps the most important topic in the conversation about masculinity. There are so-called androgenetic qualities, originally due to the production of androgens – male sex hormones. They can manifest themselves at various levels and in any area of life. And the more masculine a man is by nature, the more actively these hormones are produced in him, the stronger the corresponding qualities will manifest themselves. Competitive behavior applies to them.
“They say a man is afraid of the energy or success of his wife. Not! He involuntarily perceives her as another man.
What other qualities can be considered androgenetic?
I. P .: There are about twenty of them. For example, hierarchical behavior. If you look at all purely male communities – from the army to monastic orders – then everywhere you will find a very rigid hierarchical structure. These qualities also include territorial behavior – the need for one’s own space, free from the encroachments of other males …
Male animals solve this problem by marking their territory. What is the manifestation of the territorial behavior of modern men?
I. P .: Well, for example, in the fact that they stick out in a garage or workshop for hours without any clear reasons for a woman. They may not do anything there at all, it is important for them to feel that they are on their own territory. And there are also ways to “mark” the territory: shirts, T-shirts and other toilet items scattered throughout the house are just a typical manifestation of territorial behavior. And a consequence of the initially high level of male sex hormones.
In this case, the woman who invariably puts all those shirts and T-shirts in the closet …
I. P .: It knocks down the program of a man, absolutely right. The same thing happens in a more classical situation. After all, the very relationship of a man and a woman is initially, from a male point of view, the relationship of a hunter and prey. He pursues, she runs away, this is also an androgenetic program. Now imagine what happens when the game suddenly turns sharply and rushes at the hunter with open arms. First of all, he will be dumbfounded by surprise. And secondly, it will almost certainly refuse such “prey”.
And in this there is no moral assessment of the behavior of a woman?
I. P .: No. Their man can come up with hindsight. But initially this is precisely the failure of the androgenetic program. And by the way, returning to the situation of competition. It is quite possible between men and women. That’s just, entering into it, it is important for women to understand the following. Competing with a woman, a man from a certain moment ceases to distinguish a woman in her. And he acts in the same way as he would act, competing with men. At the level of business relations, this is normal rigidity. But if the competitors are also spouses or just partners, everything is more complicated. Men very often react with a decrease in potency. In such situations, it is customary to say that a man was afraid of the energy or success of his wife. Yes, he was not afraid of anything, he rather unconsciously began to perceive her as another man! It’s biology, and it’s hard to do anything about it.