Invisible nuance: what do successful people hide?

“Those who do not succeed in some business – or it seems to them that they do not succeed – get upset, angry, offended, jealous and blame themselves, because “the problem is definitely in them.” They are sure they are missing something. And those who succeed are endowed with superpowers,” says Irina Gross. – So: these people do not have any superpowers, but there is an invisible nuance. By it, I mean already invested resources that are not noticeable from the outside.

We often see only the result of some project, action, someone else’s success. And we do not notice most of the iceberg. What is hidden under water? It can be anything: a wealthy grandmother, personality traits (for example, a good memory, communication skills, attractive appearance), an influential acquaintance. Finally, the experience gained as a result of the path traveled – study, work, bumps, victories and disappointments.

Sometimes these nuances are summed up, and sometimes one is enough for a breakthrough. But it’s easier for us to pass a verdict: “He just got lucky!” Than to admit that the laurels were not given as easily as we think.

“A client told me about her envy of a colleague when one day her new Mercedes appeared in the parking lot under the office windows. “Where? How is this possible? We get the same salary!” She was outraged for a long time. To which I recommended asking a colleague directly how she managed to become the owner of such a luxurious car. It turned out that the Mercedes is an old dream, for which money was saved for several years. Also, in addition to the main work, she had an additional income. She loved art, understood paintings, participated in auctions, invested, sold. That’s how it worked.”

People often compare themselves with others, and not always in their favor. Some are motivated by this comparison. Others, on the contrary, are debilitated, they begin to experience their failure and fall into apathy and even depression.

good luck and success

But why, then, are the starting positions the same – we studied in the same class, in the same group, we work in the same department, but someone comes first to the finish line? Maybe it’s all about luck and the reason for success is precisely in it?

“We confuse luck and success. Luck is something random, unknown, temporary, beyond human control. Success is planned, calculated, deserved. It’s nice to be lucky, they are envied, and successful ones command respect. Lucky people are ready for surprises, do not miss happy accidents and can use them. If a person brings variety to life, then the chances of success increase,” explains Irina Gross.

She recommends not focusing on what is happening now, but imagining the worst-case scenario, but not sinking into a sense of failure. This exercise will help you always feel lucky – after all, we have already drawn the worst-case scenario in our head.

“If you extract positive from any event, then at every step we will be waiting for a happy event. The most successful clients who achieve their goals are united by one thing – an internal sense of responsibility. In textbooks, this is called locus of control.

We are all divided into two types. The first type attributes their own successes and failures to external factors: the country is not like that, the family is not like that, the people around are not like that, the husband is not like that, the time is not like that. The second one appropriates the results of his life activity: “My efforts, my strengths and weaknesses, my knowledge, skills, skills, my mistakes – all this is mine and depends on me.”

If a child is not used to taking responsibility from childhood, then, having received a deuce, he will say: “My parents did not help me” instead of “I did not prepare.” It will be difficult for him and in adulthood to take responsibility.

Connections and environment

How important is education for success? It is one thing to grow up in the family of an academician, and another thing – a combine operator. Do education and environment influence success? Will a new Jobs or Gates appear if he grew up in a complete family in love and care, or saw only swearing from his parents and received cuffs from his alcoholic dad? Finally, what personal qualities lead to success?

“World is not fair. We are all very different: someone is healthy, smart, beautiful, and someone is sick and not Alain Delon. If a person was born in a family of diplomats, travels a lot since childhood, learns languages, communicates with influential people, then a certain level of culture has been instilled in him since childhood. A “commoner” or a person from the outback is not a competitor to him. Some people have the maximum basic equipment, some have the minimum. But why compare the success of a general and the success of a soldier?

Labor and support

“Most of the time, we don’t notice how much work the other person put in. We can weigh a body in kilograms, measure volumes in centimeters, find out temperature and pressure, but in what units do we weigh human labor? In man-hours? They are suitable for reporting in enterprises, but not for measuring physical, intellectual and moral investments. If every time, envying someone else’s success, we found out or at least thought about how much was invested in it, then we would easily refuse such a thing. Because we ourselves are often not ready for such work,” says Irina Gross.

You can try to disassemble the story of someone else’s success into cogs and imagine how much work has been invested in it. Such exercises are sobering and help to understand the algorithm of someone else’s success and apply it in your life. Even with talent, work is needed, behind each full house of Denis Matsuev there are long hours of scales and repetitions.

An equally important nuance is the emotional support of others. “I don’t know a single person who has achieved serious results alone. Usually behind the backs of the winners are those who believed in them, cared for and supported them. It can be a coach, parents, teacher. Find people who will become your support.

The third important factor is funding. Not a single major project was realized without investments. “To write down poetry, you need a pencil and a notebook. Even if your task is relatively simple – to become a good specialist, you will have to invest in education. Few people, speaking of success, recall financial investments. If you do not have financial support, then look for and create it, like that girl with the Mercedes.

Mind and readiness for pain

Another nuance hidden under water is an acquaintance with stress, discomfort and even pain. “We have to grow, and growth hurts and requires effort. Pain is a daily component of success. Failures, losses, misses, mistakes. You have to know your pain threshold.”

After a good workout, it is difficult to move, but the athlete goes on, overcoming discomfort. Before starting a powerful breakthrough, it is worth answering the question: how much am I ready to withstand?

The last important component of success is the mind. “Do you know stupid successful people? I am not, says the psychologist. – Adequately assess your capabilities and resources, set realistic and achievable goals – this requires intelligence. Do not be afraid to make mistakes, to be mistaken, to argue. It’s scarier to stop thinking for yourself.”