Introverts: live at your own pace

“Since childhood, I have not liked big companies,” admits 29-year-old Irina. “After meetings and negotiations, I feel exhausted, although I can clearly see that my career largely depends on the willingness to be an active player in the team.”

And Nikolai on the forum of the site of introverts is perplexed why his friends won’t leave him alone: ​​“For some reason, everyone around thinks that I’m lonely, and they persistently try to entertain me. It takes a lot of effort for me to constantly convince them that I enjoy spending the Sabbath at home, alone.”

Our time is ideal for extroverts – people who are open, active, who are recharged by others. They are always in sight, successful, they set the pace and tone. Introverts are often invisible, because they tend to stay in the background and sometimes prefer communication with themselves to any society.

These two personality types were first described by Carl Gustav Jung in 1921. He believed that extroverts define their “I” through the environment and socially active roles. Introverts are aware of themselves through their experiences, thoughts, dreams.

Their system of internal values ​​is also different. As psychologist Maya Tamir from Boston College (USA) notes, introverts do not strive for a consistently positive attitude: strong emotions prevent them from hearing themselves. Extroverts, on the contrary, need strong experiences and resounding success and are much more actively involved in social life.

Do they have different brains?

The behavior of introverts has physiological causes, according to neuroscientists. They have a consistently high level of brain electrical activity, indicating greater cortical arousal, both at rest and when solving a complex problem.

“Perhaps this is why introverts have to defend themselves against too many external stimuli to maintain optimal levels of arousal,” says psychologist Lori Helgoe, author of The Power of Introverts. “Extroverts, on the other hand, look for additional stimuli to prevent understimulation of the brain.”

Introverts have especially high activity in the frontal lobes – the zone that is responsible for activities that require focus on oneself and on internal processes – and in Broca’s center. The latter may be associated with a tendency to talk with oneself.

Warehouse of character or cultural code?

Psychologists distinguish between extraverted verbal cultures and introverted non-verbal ones, where silence and restraint are more valued, and pauses, facial expressions and gestures are of particular importance in a conversation. The first include the United States, the second – Japan and the Scandinavian countries.

“The patriarchal Russian way of life was largely focused on extraversion,” says Gestalt therapist Maria Lekareva-Bozenenkova. – “In cramped conditions, but don’t be offended”, “don’t have a hundred rubles, but have a hundred friends”, “where ours didn’t disappear” – these and other sayings demonstrate outward orientation, impulsiveness.

These features are partly retained to this day. But it is interesting that in domestic films many of the emotions of the characters are conveyed non-verbally, in contrast, for example, to American or Latin American films saturated with colloquial texts. The episode of the meeting between Stirlitz and his wife is the best confirmation of this. And in this contradiction is a vivid manifestation of the duality of our mixed, Eurasian culture.”

How to communicate with them?

Extroverts often cannot imagine that not everyone is enthusiastic about a corporate party or going out of town with a big company. If you’re more of an extrovert, keep in mind that it’s hard to make an introvert happy by letting them know you’re dropping by at their house with friends.

“Such a person desperately needs solitude to restore internal resources – an unexpected intrusion deprives him of this opportunity,” explains psychologist Marty Laney. – In a conversation with him, do not demand an immediate reaction – the interlocutor needs time to formulate answers.

If the introvert starts talking, don’t interrupt. He reacts sharply to inattention and is unlikely to repeat himself, so as not to make the same mistake twice.

Do not try to “poach” an introvert to your side by imposing an expressive way of expressing yourself on him. He, like you, has every right to be himself.

Can’t or don’t want to?

Introversion is often confused with shyness. In both cases, a person’s social connections are limited, but for different reasons. Psychologist Bernardo Carducci, director of the Institute for Shyness Research at Indiana University (USA), explains that shy people seek contact, but fail because they have difficulty communicating.

Introverts, on the other hand, prefer solitude because it makes them feel better. They are excellent interlocutors, they have close friends, but an excess of social activity suppresses them.

The need to fit into today’s aggressive and competitive work environment, to maintain the fast pace of life, stresses the introvert and psychologically drains him. Already prone to reflection and introspection, he becomes even more self-critical and anxious.

“Many perceive them as deliberately weak, uninteresting interlocutors,” says Maria Lekareva-Bozenenkova, “although in reality this may not be the case at all. Introverts are forced to explain themselves, to apologize for what is natural for them.

The consequence of this is their increasing alienation not only from society, but also from themselves. Therefore, if you are an introvert, do not deny yourself the right to be alone with music, a movie or a book. It is necessary to choose the distance and the amount of communication that suits you.”