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Dating on the Internet, chatting and subsequent exciting developments have long entered our personal lives. Is it worth investing in them mental strength and time – American psychologists have found out the main pros and cons of a new way of meeting lonely hearts.
The advantages and disadvantages of online dating have been the subject of a major study led by American psychology professor Eli Finkel of the Kellogg Business School. Based on extensive surveys and testing, scientists tried to find out if this way of dating differs from the traditional one and whether it can be considered more effective. Here are the top three pros and cons of online dating.
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Wide choose
Behind: Dating on the Internet allows you to cover a much larger number of candidates than in ordinary life. This advantage is especially true for those who are looking for a partner with similar interests, religious views, or live in a sparsely populated area where it is not so easy to meet “in real life”.
Against: Sooner or later, a wide choice becomes confusing and annoying. We get lost in the virtual “dating supermarket” trying to find our Prince Charming or Princess. “At first, I treated it as a game in which there are huge chances of winning, meeting a loved one,” says 29-year-old Alina. – I posted my profile, and dozens of people immediately began to write to me. Every evening I spent in correspondence and conversations online. No one really touched me, I looked through the questionnaire after the questionnaire and in the end I was just tired – the game turned into a boring production process.
Better chance of compatibility
Behind: Most dating sites offer compatibility tests designed to determine the most suitable partner. You set certain parameters (education, interests, region of residence, character traits, inclinations and interests), and this narrows down the search. The site shows profiles of those who have the highest chances of being our soul mate.
Against: In personal communication, we may find that our chosen one does not at all correspond to the characteristics that attracted us so much in his profile. In addition, due to the selectivity of such testing, there is a risk of missing out on someone who is potentially close, but not included in the reference group.
Comfortable communication
Behind: Dating on the Internet provides a unique opportunity to get to know a person better before we meet him in reality. Starting online communication via Skype and chats, we feel more confident and calm, nothing threatens our safety. Plus, we save our own and other people’s time – a great advantage for very busy people who do not have the opportunity to meet often in real life.
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Against: “Almost everyone who was so interesting to communicate with in chat and emails disappointed me when they met,” admits 32-year-old Olga. “As a result, my chosen one was a man who did not attract me in correspondence, but liked me at the first personal acquaintance.” Online communication does not provide very important – non-verbal – information about the interlocutor. It is she who is read at a direct meeting and “revives” a photo from a dating site, makes a person instantly close to us or repels.
4 tips for successful online dating
Don’t waste time. The number of candidates is dizzying, but try to narrow your search parameters – otherwise you risk spending your whole life on it. Determine for yourself some of the most important criteria (age, education, social status, place of residence, character traits) and immediately enter into correspondence with the right people.
Don’t rely too much on questionnaires. Virtual tests do not guarantee a XNUMX% hit – you simply conduct an initial screening in the ocean of photographs and questionnaires. They help to determine only the most general parameters: region of residence, education, etc. For the rest, trust your intuition.
Don’t drag out the correspondence. Online communication makes sense at the stage of making acquaintances and first contacts. Give yourself some time to exchange letters, but resist the temptation to prolong this stage – if a new acquaintance is interesting to you, set up a face-to-face meeting as soon as possible. A long exchange of letters can be misleading – even if the interlocutor is extremely sincere, we involuntarily begin to build an imaginary image that will certainly not coincide with reality. It is much more productive to meet with the candidate you are interested in for a cup of coffee and decide whether to continue communication.
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- First date: how to understand that he (a) is right for you?
Meet at the cafe. Where to make a first date? The best choice, as studies show, is an invitation to a cup of coffee in a democratic coffee shop. Going to the cinema, to a concert, an exhibition, or even to a restaurant is a bad decision, as it does not give a complete picture of a person, unlike tête-à-tête. “Let nothing, not even food, distract you from each other when you first meet,” says sociologist Jeremy Nicholson. “The atmosphere of the cafe and the common table create an effect of trust and attunement to each other.”