Internal translator and response to conflictogens

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​​​​​​​The internal interpreter usually softens the conflictogens made by the partner, and thereby avoids the transition to conflict​​​​​​​.

The idea is elementary simple: here you are a well-mannered person, and you usually express your dissatisfaction in a cultural way (for example, in the language of a kind request), and the cleaning lady in the store did not study this language and therefore expresses her feelings in the language accepted in the store: “Well, where are you going , blind, or what? Can’t you see, they washed it here? Look how much dirt you have!”

When you stopped shoveling, you stopped, but it would be nice to stop some surge of adrenaline as well. Before you react actively in any way, turn on the internal translator and do for this tired woman what is difficult for her, and easy for you: translate the cry of her soul into at least literary language. And then the original text, perhaps, will take the following form: “Dear sir! You have the opportunity to pass here, and then I will not have to wash the floor after you. There is a lot of rainfall this autumn. Thank you for your understanding!

Already better. You can smile and apologize to such kind words: “Yes, I’m sorry. Autumn is really very rainy.

The advantage of this approach is simplicity. The downside is that if you use this approach with loved ones, there is a danger of accustoming them to the fact that you can talk to you like that, disrespectfully. Our gentleness and politeness can be perceived by a partner as our weakness, it will turn out to be permission for him to allow conflictogens in our address.

Relevance of an internal translator

An internal translator is always appropriate when it is important for us to take care of ourselves and not to strain ourselves additionally.

It is internal, for spiritual service to yourself, and what you say out loud to your partner at the same time is a separate conversation.

If relationships, status and reputation are not very important in a particular situation, it is only important to quickly resolve the issue — we use an internal translator and do not bother with anything else.

It’s another matter, if it’s not so much the result of a specific conversation that matters to us, but how relationships are built, it’s important to affirm our status, then the translator is the translator, and we fix the conflict generator for the partner and discuss his communication style. See →

But here is an addition: if the alignment of forces is not in your favor or the partner is wild, then the last task is beyond your power. Swallow the conflict generator and calm down with an internal translator.

In this regard, as an option, a different scheme is used for more responsible relations: here-and-now, when it is necessary to resolve the issue promptly, we use only an internal translator and agree. Later or in the evening, when there is time to talk leisurely, we return to the daytime conversation and discuss the style of communication. We pay attention to the conflictogen and together we think what each of us needs to do so that next time communication goes more correctly. See →