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Over the centuries of patriarchy, we have become accustomed to the fact that misogyny is inherent in men. However, the women themselves are in no way inferior to them in the humiliation and stigmatization of the representatives of their own sex. Moreover, they often receive the most cruel treatment from other women … We deal with questions about internal misogyny with a psychologist.
It would seem that evolution is moving by leaps and bounds. It is no longer embarrassing to admit that your man was a tyrant, it is not shameful to leave a relationship that has ceased to suit, and it is not at all scary to be more successful than your father or grandfather. Did these «innovations» make it easier for women? In relationships with men — noticeably yes. There are already “red flags” and markers that will point to an unenviable future at the dating stage; it is not at all necessary to spend a quarter of your life understanding who is next to you. Divorce has ceased to be a catastrophe and a stigma.
But then trouble came from where they did not expect. More precisely, it has always been, but now, when many women have become more attentive to themselves and their mental health, take care of their psyche and monitor personal boundaries, this problem has come to the fore. And her name is misogyny.
Misogyny is misogyny
You and I, in general, are accustomed to misogyny from men: “a chicken is not a bird, a woman is not a person”, “a woman driving is a monkey with a grenade”. Especially hardened women just roll their eyes when they hear these clichés from men, because they know that this is a sign of dullness and unfulfillment. Well, who in the XNUMXst century will judge a professional or personal qualities only by gender! However, women themselves also often label members of their own gender.
Internal misogyny
If you open any profile of a beautiful woman or a woman who goes beyond the generally accepted format of beauty / success / lifestyle, then in the comments to the photo you can lose count of negative statements. Yes, some are from men. But most of all humiliating words, insults, unsolicited advice and ridicule come from women.
They will certainly give advice to lose weight, give birth, leave her husband. They will definitely say that you can only cut such a nose, and carry such a breast to a plastic surgeon. Naturally, no one asked about these tips. And, of course, this advice is given under the sauce of “white coat” (pronounced in the Italian manner; a derivative of “white coat” is a term meaning “I know better, I know better, I’m not like that”).
It is a paradox, but criticism towards a woman from a man is perceived by many as a red rag, but from a woman — as a given, more trustworthy, with which one can even agree.
Even feminist activists sin by dividing the female sex into smart and «chicks», which, of course, fundamentally contradicts the very idea of uXNUMXbuXNUMXbthis movement.
The origin of misogyny in us
This behavior does not come into being with us. We are not born with hatred for our own sex, but we do it by force in order to comply with certain social canons. So, for example, many women admit that in the company of men they adopt the style of communication, jokes and attitude towards women in general.
If you look closely at the teams where there are fewer women, you will notice the following: at first, a woman experiences discomfort, then, in order to overcome it, she begins to join the team like a chameleon — she prefers a more sporty style of clothing, sneakers, backpacks, and to new girls who come to the team in dresses, feels contempt and desire to assert itself at their expense.
This means only one thing — in order to receive social «buns» and not become a black sheep, a woman adjoins a more privileged group — men
And further, being completely involved in this game, she herself begins to divide everything into womanish (bad) and masculine (good, typical). For example, crying out of resentment is like a woman. And drinking vodka at a corporate party without having a snack is very masculine.
Trigger of misogyny
The reasons why the average woman hates her own kind can be attributed to:
Childhood and youth in a critical environment. A woman heard only remarks from her mother or grandmother and absorbed such a model of behavior in a “female” society — criticism and nothing more;
Disappointment of the family that a girl was bornand not a boy. “The boy is welcome, the girl is well, it’s good that she’s healthy.” Since childhood, a woman has formed the opinion that being a boy is an honor and great, but girls are already second-class. She transfers this stereotype to other women, deliberately belittling them;
Jealousy for a brother, unevenly distributed parental love. If a woman sees from childhood that her brother, unlike her, is allowed a lot, then she is just as demanding as her parents are towards women who surround her;
Excellence Syndrome. If in a woman’s life there were a lot of sticks, but there was no carrot at all, she continues to keep herself in a tight rein on her own. When she sees that other women live in a way that she cannot afford, a volcano begins to rage inside and envy, hatred of women and anger, which, in general, is directed only at herself;
Competition. Where getting married means the goal of a lifetime, a desperate desire to protect «one’s own» is often included. Don’t let anyone near your man. Any woman is perceived as a threat. From this weak position, we forget that a man is not a goat on a rope, and if he can be «taken away», then the problem is not at all in other women.
Where does misogyny live?
Female misogyny occurs where women do not enjoy their own uniqueness (as men do), but compete with each other. Women are limited by the limits of age, national ideas about housekeeping, reproductive abilities and sexuality. That is, a woman cannot simply not want to have children, she is obliged to all women who believe that “children are happiness, without children you are an empty vessel” to give a detailed account of her opinion, although her reproductive system and its functioning do not concern anyone, except her.
Also, a woman, in order to be more attractive and sexier, cannot be curvaceous. If a plus size woman has a man who adores her and does not have a soul in her, then he will definitely be called a pervert. Who? Women! Men, for the most part, don’t care.
Misogyny flourishes where there are internal patterns.
Listen to what they say to a young woman who recently became a mother and complains of wild fatigue: “Before, they gave birth in the field, raised several and nothing. She needs a nanny — look what one!
And the term «old-timer» at 27? I am sure that it was invented by women to humiliate other women.
A world without misogyny
It turns out that we live where “you will still go on maternity leave after a while, you are not suitable for us,” and not where “you are an excellent specialist, and the theoretical possibility of going on maternity leave is not important to us.”
Internal misogyny is a tool to play off women
As long as it exists, there will be no commonality and mutual assistance between women, but only clichés, stereotypes and frames that further alienate us from each other.
The eradication of misogyny begins with the elimination of one’s own attitudes and fears. Necessary:
Stop criticizing women and generally divide the world into male and female. This is already the first step towards adequate perception;
Do not be afraid to analyze your negative emotions addressed to the first woman you meet, who lives the way you have long wanted;
Do not shift blame and responsibility, do not hide behind the mask of a judgmental, but get out of your own cocoon, look the problem in the eye and start working to improve your life.
And then you will absolutely love women — their beauty, uniqueness, strength. Stop fighting a non-existent enemy, but, on the contrary, want to lend a helping hand, compassion and be loyal.