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On Sunday, September 30, a march will be held in Warsaw on the occasion of the World Day for Safe Abortion. It would be ideal if such ventures open the way to a wise dialogue. We talk about post-abortion trauma with Izabela Barton-Smoczyńska, a psychologist, psychotherapist, specialist in psychotraumatology, who works with people who have experienced traumatic events in their lives on a daily basis.
- Among women after an abortion, forms typical of post-traumatic stress disorder may occur, but this applies to those who were previously susceptible to such conditions.
- The concept of “trauma after” appearing in the media cuts off with a thick line everything that has happened earlier in a woman’s life
- Let’s not throw all women into one bag under the title: “if you decide to have an abortion, sooner or later – in five years, five months or five days you will be traumatized.” It doesn’t work that way.
Ewa Raczyńska: Is there a post-abortion trauma?
Izabela Barton-Smoczyńska: Post-abortion trauma, in my opinion, for various reasons was created more as a certain theoretical construct and as such exists in our social consciousness. From the point of view of a scientist or researcher, the thesis that there is no such thing as post-abortion trauma is more true, even though some women experience post-traumatic stress after an abortion. What the research says and what we actually see in the office or in the experience of women after an abortion shows more that post-traumatic reactions concern a specific group of women. However, these traumatic consequences are not necessarily influenced by whether they made the decision to abort consciously or not, and how consciously. Personality structure, life history and access to resources are much more important here.
So what is the consequence of making the decision to terminate the pregnancy?
You can certainly experience severe depressive reactions at different times after an abortion. There are forms of post-traumatic stress disorder, which are recalling certain thoughts rapidly. One can observe agitation in reaction to abortion-related events and the consequent avoidance of these places, associations and memories, conversations about this difficult situation and all topics related to it. However, it should be remembered that this rather applies to those women who have already been susceptible to such states before.
That is?
Trauma can affect women who have had difficulty drawing from their own internal or external resources. In other words, they were deprived of care, concern, attention, unattended by a parent or partner, abandoned or left to the difficult social or material reality in which they cope poorly. Additionally, these are women for whom this particular situation of being pregnant was too difficult. Only that their trauma is not due to the decision to have an abortion, but because at least several times in their lives they have experienced a situation in which they were not able to constructively cope with a burden that fell on them in their life
The concept of “trauma after” appearing in the media cuts off with a thick line everything that happened earlier in a woman’s life and thus throws all women into one bag under the title: “if you decide to have an abortion, sooner or later – in five or five years months or five days, you will be traumatized. It doesn’t work that way. Look should be widened. The vast majority of negative psychological and emotional effects that may arise concern women who, when deciding to abort, are already burdened with, for example, a depressive way of reacting to difficulties, learned helplessness, and a reduced sense of agency. Most often, women who become pregnant at a time not very favorable for them and are unable to make a decision other than termination of pregnancy, have previously been traumatized by the consequences of their decisions (e.g. a difficult, violent relationship) or the attitude of the environment (e.g. emotional abandonment or neglect). Most often these are situations when they do not want a child, when others put pressure on them to become a mother.
I remember the story of a woman who terminated her pregnancy in secret from her loved ones. She did not want to have a child from the beginning, but succumbed to the pressure of her loved ones …
Such situations happen. Perhaps pregnancy was a difficult experience for her, perhaps it was a synonym of dependence on a man, a limitation of her autonomy. We must remember that in the relationship with the child, our early childhood relationships are also recreated, i.e. how we were treated as small children when our mother built a bond with us. It is sometimes an unbearable burden, because we have a lot of difficult traces here, in the primary sense, that is, our violent reactions from the body, feelings and feelings that we ourselves do not understand. It is mostly fear, anxiety and a sense of abandonment. The whole experience, i.e. her feelings, emotions, thoughts and the situation in which the woman and her partner find themselves, must be taken into account when deciding whether she wants to give birth to a child, whether she can take care of it, and whether her doubts are the result of uncertainty or fear.
Each of us has a “real me” – that is, what we know about ourselves: I know that this is what I am and my surroundings confirm that it is me. We also have the “perfect me”, the desired me, or “this is what I would like to be”. If the situation in my life tells me that I am not what I would like to be, there is frustration, anger, irritation, disappointment. These feelings are difficult, but constructive, because they push us forward, make us look for a solution, provided we have a sense of agency, self-worth, or the resources to do it. Then the frustration of the type: “I do not know if I will be a good mother, I do not know if I can handle it, I do not love this child as I think I would like”, will force us to talk to our mother, psychologist, doctor, friend, what he will let us sort things out.
What’s different?
It is bad if the feelings that are inside me do not go in the direction of “I do not have what I would like”, but “I should have something, and I don’t have”. We now have a social convention called “We know what kind of mother or woman you should be or what you should behave.” Duty is constantly beaten in our heads. And when I feel that I am not doing what I should, there is only fear, and fear does not lead to development, to adaptation, it leads to avoidance. In such a case, the whole topic of abortion disappears, I do not talk about it, I do not talk about it, and this leads to trauma and negative consequences, which are said about: “You cannot make such a decision, because you will be punished by God’s forms of depression or anxiety ”.
Doesn’t it boil down to the fact that abortion should not be chosen by traumatized women?
Not. All women can make such a decision only if I am a fairly emotionally stable woman, I know what I like about myself, what I do not like, I have a good relationship with myself, I will make a difficult decision mourning it and feeling bitterness, but it will not kill me. This decision will be difficult for me for some time, maybe it will not be socially exposed in some way, maybe only in time I will be ready to talk about it outside, and maybe not. It will be a difficult situation that I will mourn as one that fate has faced me with, but nothing more. It may take longer, shorter, because the reaction of grief, bitterness, injustice will be different for different women, but it will be adaptive.
A woman goes through the process of reconciling, adapting to what has happened to her, and each time it is an emotional burden for her. However, if this time before making the final decision is based on awareness, reflection, if a woman receives support, can name threats, pros and cons, can talk to someone, someone listens to her, then it is much easier for her to undergo this adaptation.
Unfortunately, the atmosphere surrounding abortion means that although women make decisions in harmony with themselves, they feel honored, they cannot talk about it or talk to anyone, because they are aware of social ostracism. There is still a lack of grounds and willingness to dialogue. Women need space to be heard because they will live with the consequences of their decisions.
Why the reluctance to talk, to dialogue?
In my opinion, this is the result of the glorification of maternal love, which, according to many, appears in some magical way in the hearts or wombs of women who should not be burdened with any dilemmas or fears. A woman is supposed to want a child right away, to love it right away. There is no room here for any process, as if the appearance of maternal love was binary, there is or is not there, although it should most often be. What is striking is the omission of the woman’s conscious work on the relationship she will build with her child or what she wants to build at all. There is no space for dialogue. We are treated a bit as objects: a woman is there to give birth and only when she has a child does she become fully valuable. This is the wonderful happiness that we want to be fed.
Meanwhile, we should talk, we should speak out about doubts, be open to this type of conversation, because maybe a woman will make a decision: “I do not perform an abortion” and her awareness and building a relationship with a child will be much more mature than if someone told her: “.