Where is the line between benevolence and hypocrisy? Is it possible to consider the answer “Thank you, everything is in order” as a lie, if in fact the person is not at all okay? And can we call ourselves honest and sincere people if we lie every day “on the little things”?
— Good Morning! How did you sleep?
— Fine.
— Are you in a hurry?
— I’m in a hurry.
— Mind if I take your umbrella?
Take it, I don’t need it.
This dialogue takes place during the morning half hour between shower and coffee. And my every answer is a pure lie. I sleep badly, everyone knows that. I have nowhere to hurry right in the morning — I just don’t want to be loaded before breakfast. And of course, I absolutely need an umbrella — they promised rain, but I can’t refuse my husband’s innocent request.
Voila. And it’s only morning. According to various estimates, each of us lies from 4 to 50 times a day. Is it that we — and I in the first place — are such scoundrels? Or worse than that — it turns out that everyone is lying to me too? Well, yes, that’s pretty much how it works. And to everyone’s pleasure, I must say.
Who doesn’t love receiving compliments? There are no such. But compliments are 80% pure, to put it mildly, fiction. Plus, the desire to win over another, manipulating his weaknesses — vanity, narcissism, trembling self-esteem. A person is weak, unsure of himself — but how easily all these qualities are curtained by harmless flattery: the dress is awesome! I haven’t seen such an apartment at all — did you design it yourself? Rare taste!
No, sometimes we are completely sincere in this format. But by and large it doesn’t matter. The rhetoric of our everyday communication involves such a lot of passages, omissions, euphemisms — almost ballet steps — around a single goal — to be heard, to convey our thoughts to the interlocutor safe and sound (option: self-preservation). So we no longer notice where we are good fellows-truth-mongers, and where we are theater and film actors.
People who strive at all costs to call a spade a spade naturally irritate us: “Does he see no edges?”
Of course, no one is opposed to discussing a conditional problem. And let’s talk frankly — this is please. It is known that if a person sets himself the task of being honest, he will fulfill it. At a certain period of time. But then, solely for the purpose of productive communication, we package messages in a format that is expected of us, which will not shut up our counterparts once and for all, but will support in them the desire to shake our hand.
At the very least, they know the truth-womb even without us. But how to survive in this world and where to find support? But I want to find it! Including — taking on faith even doubtful from the point of view of reality, but positive messages.
Remember the famous passage about spilled wine on the tablecloth? The fool will laugh, the smart one will pretend not to notice. Here a fool is a person who behaves naturally, in accordance with natural instincts. And smart, it turns out, is cunning. In fact, in our tradition (civilized humanity), no one who exists in the sphere of culture can be natural. For it is culture that is the most artificial product and is governed by innumerable norms. Including rules of conduct.
Americans are often reproached for the insincerity of their smiles. But insincere smiles are still better than honest hostility. The culture of political correctness is built on this. Which by and large is a legitimized lie. If it wasn’t for her, we’d all be dead a long time ago, I guess.
One of my favorite quotes from Oscar Wilde is: “The first task of every man is to be as artificial as possible. What the second task is is not yet known.” So do not doubt that the morning is really good, and you look great. It only says that we still exist!