Events and experiences from childhood strongly influence life, largely determining decisions, preferences and desires. Therefore, you need to establish contact with the inner child and give him what was lacking many years ago.
There is a lot of talk about the Inner Child. According to the theory of the founder of transactional analysis, psychiatrist Eric Berne, each person, depending on the situation, chooses one of three internal positions of the personality: Child, Adult, Parent. Everyone has an inner child. This is the unconscious part of the personality that sheds light on the dark, forgotten past and illuminates the bright part of childhood experience.
“I close my eyes, mentally dive inside, deep into myself,” says 28-year-old Natalya. “I am trying to find the Inner Child, that which is in every person, and therefore in me. Darkness, darkness and silence inside me. From time to time the silence is broken by an inner voice. He calls the same girl, but in response, silence. Am I not like everyone else, why can’t I see him? What’s wrong? Where is he?» Lack of contact with this part of the personality may indicate the presence of an internal conflict, unwillingness to accept oneself, suppression of feelings, emotions, undermined trust in the world and oneself.
All experience gained during fetal development and childhood is archived and stored by this part of the personality.
“After a long time, she appeared, my girl. She is seven or eight years old, stands aside and looks at me frowningly. What should I do, follow the voice of a psychologist, come up, talk, hug? What for? I don’t know her, she is a strange, unfamiliar girl for me. I stand aside, look, try to understand, to feel, but all to no avail. Nothing happens. Silence. I don’t feel anything for her. There is no warmth or joy. And what does this little girl feel, what does she want? And again silence. There is no contact, everything is in vain.
The Inner Child is part of the human psyche. Body contact, parental attitudes, emotional and physical traumas, feelings and emotions — all the experience gained during prenatal development and childhood is archived and stored by this part of the personality.
Each has its own, with its own history. For one, he is happy and kind, self-confident, energetic, creative, cheerful, open, dreaming, striving and achieving, trusting himself and the world, optimistic, accepting and giving. The other is abandoned, unhappy. They do not see him, do not hear his needs, desires. He experiences fear and anxiety, is afraid of being unnecessary, rejected. His constant companions are guilt and resentment. Fear of criticism does not allow you to create and be open, it has many prohibitions, including feelings.
Why is this happening?
If during fetal development and in childhood parents loved, desired, protected, showed the necessary attention and care, satisfied physical and mental needs, respected, supported, then the Inner Child will be healthy and happy. If the child is unwanted, not accepted as a person, his needs and feelings were suppressed and ignored, he was not shown care and love, then this will be an offended, traumatized and unhappy Inner Child.
How does the Inner Child affect adulthood?
Anyone who has not received love, attention and care from their parents gets upset, feels offended, lonely, rejected. It is then that the protective mechanisms of the psyche work, the decision comes to close the soul, not to let others into your inner world, so that it does not hurt. At the same time, there is a ban on feelings and emotions. Such people are very unhappy. They cannot enjoy life to the fullest, they suffer. Resentment, the pain of past experience accompanies their lives, slows down the movement, undermines confidence in the world.
Parents cannot be changed, just as you cannot go back to childhood and change the course of events.
Parents, raising children, are guided by the knowledge and experience that they have at the moment. They cannot always give children what they need on a psychological and physical level. Not because they don’t want to, but because at the moment they are not ready for this — they cannot, they don’t know, they don’t understand or they don’t feel. No one has the right to judge them for this. The reason is that at one time they did not receive enough or did not receive warmth, care, full acceptance from their parents. Every person has parents who they are, there will never be others. They cannot be changed, just as one cannot go back to childhood and change the course of events.
But you can make your present better and bring yourself and your loved ones into a harmonious, happy future. The ability to hear the voice of this part of the personality allows you to understand, accept, show feelings and care for yourself, your children and loved ones.
Young children are very sensitive to what is happening around them. They are direct, open, easily come into contact with each other and the world. Give your Inner Child what he lacked in childhood, what he was deprived of, become for him the parent he wants.