In conversations about money, you can often hear that the world is unfair. Especially when it seems like every second person is a successful blogger, freelancer or startup. Why does someone become a millionaire, while others are forced to settle for a living wage?
Scientists have found the answer to this question. According to their research, parental wealth does indeed have a significant impact on well-being.
Scientific evidence
In 2016, sociologists found that poverty in most cases is inherited. According to their estimates, about 80% of children whose families experienced serious financial difficulties encountered them later, in independent life.
Such conclusions they made after a survey of the Spaniards aged 25 to 59 years. Earlier, in 2009, Canadian physiologists also analyzed the biographies of 103 participants aged 25 to 40. They found that the level of well-being of the family in the first five years of life can determine the entire future fate of a person.
Children are brought up to imitate their own parents. We adopt their model of relationship with money
It turned out that people who grew up in poor families have an excess of the stress hormone cortisol in their bodies. If its concentration is maintained constantly, then the person becomes wary, less prone to risk and afraid of sudden life changes.
“Children are brought up to imitate their own parents. We adopt their model of relationship with money. If the mother is modest in spending, then the daughter can grow up frugal. And the son, looking at his father, identifies himself with his figure and is very likely to manage income in the same way, ”explains psychologist and psychoanalytic therapist Anastasia Saurina.
“We can’t afford it”
The story of Sergei from Bryansk confirms her words. A 30-year-old man works as a surgeon in a local clinic, while his salary is barely enough to provide for his family. Only recently did he decide to go to psychotherapy: he began to be tormented by the question of why most of his classmates have been working in large private clinics for a long time, and he can’t leave his current job.
“I grew up in a poor family at a difficult time. I didn’t have expensive toys and fashionable clothes, my parents said: “We can’t afford it.” As a teenager, I knew guys from wealthy families, they were the soul of the company. Their well-fed smiles and pompous manners aroused ridicule in me – I was convinced that their wealth would soon melt away, because nothing lasts forever. Now self-doubt and fear that wealth is given only for a while, do not allow me to take the final step out of this swamp, ”says the man.
How to change the script
1. Increase self-esteem
Nevertheless, such a life scenario can still be rewritten, Anastasia Saurina is sure: “Attitude towards money has a direct relationship with self-esteem. And you have to work with her.”
Many can feel guilty about wanting to be pampered – there is an immediate excuse why they don’t deserve such pleasure. But the resource state is fueled exclusively by pleasure, so it is necessary to allow yourself a little selfishness.
According to her, it is important not to be shy about expressing your financial desires, as well as justifying them: “Think about how much your work costs and why. Collect certificates, diplomas and other regalia, write down all the key skills. This will give you the opportunity to objectively assess your expertise and understand what value you can bring.”
2. Change settings
In this case, the main thing is to change the settings. “We are what we believe in. If you believe that you deserve a good life and high pay, you will eventually get it. Say your desires out loud, talk about it to others, write wish lists. Describe your career plan in as much detail as possible with the level of salary, competencies, desired tasks, ”the psychologist recommends.
3. Get inspired by success stories
The story of 29-year-old IT specialist Ilya Svetlov illustrates well that with a strong desire, any stereotypical thinking can be broken. A few years ago, a man brought up in a poor family from Novosibirsk left the university and went to live in Bali with little or no money with only one phone, and then a push-button one.
“For months I had to eat only buckwheat and drink water with honey. But I took a chance, gave up everything and succeeded,” he says. Now Ilya conducts courses for those who want to change their lives.
When really large sums began to arrive, I treated them as an undeserved reward.
24-year-old blogger Angelina Karsuntseva started providing for herself and her family at the age of 20. “I was born in Samara, in an incomplete family. My mother was a speech therapist by profession, she worked around the clock and received a penny. It is clear that financially it was not very good. I have never had pocket money. As a result, for me it became an example of how not to live, ”the girl explains.
Instagram became the impetus for life changes for her. “I followed the career of bloggers and understood that I wanted the same,” says Angelina. I started trying to blog. A couple of months later, I got my first barter ad, and then the money. When really large sums began to come in, I treated them as an undeserved reward. Then I read somewhere that money needs to be spent, and then there will be even more of it. I tried it and it worked. Then I realized: by changing your thinking, you can get into a kind of stream that will take you to bigger and bigger amounts.
About expert
Anastasia Saurina psychologist, psychoanalytic psychotherapist, micropsychoanalyst. Her .