For each of us, the concept of “treason” means something different. Someone believes that a partner is unfaithful if they correspond with a work colleague. Someone does not worry, even if his other half has had connections on the side for many years. What betrayals are easier for us to forgive and why?
Issues of infidelity have attracted the attention of psychologists, anthropologists, and other specialists for many years. They are interested in everything, from the reasons why people cheat to the reasons why people forgive or do not forgive their partner such behavior.
A new study by Greek psychologists led by Menelaos Apostoloou (University of Nicosia) sheds light on infidelities we cannot forgive.
Infidelity is a widespread phenomenon in various cultures. Unfortunately, those who consider their marriage happy also face it, because we cannot be fully and completely responsible for the actions of a partner.
But perhaps the information obtained as a result of the study will help us think about the consequences that await us if we decide to cheat.
Sexual infidelity caused more negative reactions among respondents than emotional infidelity
The study involved 447 volunteers from Greece and the Republic of Cyprus. 35,8% of the participants were married, 31,5% were single, 26% had an unconsummated relationship, 6,3% of the respondents were divorced, and 0,4% experienced the death of a spouse.
Psychologists asked them to talk about their reactions to different cheating scenarios. The most serious volunteers considered infidelity, which includes both sexual and emotional relationships. And they said that this is the hardest thing to forgive.
The easiest way, volunteers reported, is to forgive a partner who visited various intimate sites on the Internet (for example, with “live” shows) and strip clubs. In the middle of the scale were casual sex, emotional attachment to someone on the side, feelings for another, and sex for money.
Sexual infidelity caused more negative reactions among the respondents than emotional infidelity, and there is a simple explanation for this. Cheating that involves intimate relationships is associated with the risk of pregnancy, and pregnancy can lead to more serious consequences than intimate Skype conversations with a pretty colleague.
Women reacted more sharply to the stories proposed by scientists, but more often men were ready to forgive
Strong connections outside of marriage or relationships scare us much more than single acts of infidelity. If we find out that a partner has been dating someone on the side for several months, we are less likely to forgive him than if we find out that he has visited a strip club a couple of times.
Psychologists also found that older volunteers who had previously experienced infidelity in one form or another were more likely to forgive infidelity than younger participants in the study who had no such experience.
At the same time, women reacted more sharply to the stories proposed by scientists, but more often men were ready to forgive. Researchers are sure that emotionally women are more involved in relationships, and this increases the likelihood of forgiveness.
Apostolou and his colleagues are convinced that adultery is a multi-layered and very complex concept. Study participants described their reactions to fictional stories, but when faced with an unfaithful partner in real life, they could change their minds and act completely differently.
Greek psychologists are going to continue the experiment, but under different conditions. They will interview people who have experienced infidelity to find out how they reacted to situations that directly affected them.