Infidelity in times of Covid: divorce and monogamy, in question

Infidelity in times of Covid: divorce and monogamy, in question

Sexuality

The pandemic caused by COVID-19 is changing our lifestyle and we will continue to notice it for years to come

It will be eight months since we heard that message on television that said we were going to stay in a state of alarm without leaving home, except to take the odd walk or do the shopping. What the Covid-19 pandemic was going to be a small stay at home lasted up to more than two and a half months, a hard process for those who do not have peace or harmony with their cohabitants.

And it is not surprising that Covid-19 has been harsh especially for married couples whose family lives under the same roof. In fact, inquiries about separations have skyrocketed for months, according to the Spanish Association of Family Lawyers (AEAFA). Shortly after the initial quarantine phase, Ashley Madison, the dating platform for meeting people outside of relationships began to see a monthly average increase of + 39% in new registrations in Spain, an indication of a growing need to find a distraction or a complement to their home situation on the part of more and more Spaniards.

«Historically, we know that our members are not interested in getting out of their marriage and we’ve found the same can be said even now, when tensions are higher than normal and divorces seem rife, ”says Christoph Kraemer, European spokesperson for Ashley Madison. “We conducted this research to learn more about what an adventure – whether virtual or in person – means during a pandemic for people who have it, and to show that marriages can survive in this type of environment».

Through a series of anonymous surveys made to users, the online couples social network set out to delve deeper into married life in Spain and the world during confinement and why many married people choose to have new and existing extramarital affairs while at home with their spouse. The study as a whole addresses several topics, such as sexual relationships, increased stress, divorce, dating during a pandemic, and the future of marriage and marriage. monogamy. The research reveals five key findings on the management of marriage and infidelity during a global pandemic.

Key Findings on Managing Marriage and Infidelity

• Lack of sexual initiation is the main complaint of those married during confinement, which is why many are not having sexual relations and have lost attraction for their spouse.
• People do not turn to their partner in times of uncertainty and stress, they turn to third parties.
• The pandemic has not reduced the desire or ability to be unfaithful; in fact, it has increased it.
• Since most of the time during quarantine is spent at home, married couples who have extramarital affairs view their infidelity as a comprehensive form of self-care and a way to stay married.
• The decline in socialization is calling into question the role of the main partner as sole confidant, friend, lover and haven of peace.

“Now is when many people consider their sexuality and it is now also when they begin to have lovers, even two or three at the same time. People are adapting and although it is believed that people decrease their sexual desireThe truth is that it has increased and there is much more creativity, especially in women. Excuses have also been adapted to be able to be unfaithful, such as the exchange of videos and images, ”says psychologist and couple therapist Lara Ferreiro.

And the divorce?

Lara Ferreiro explains that falling in love is found at the beginning of a relationship, and that people who turn to Ashley Madison, in general, have already passed that phase and have children, but whose partner does not give them 100%. And it differentiates two profiles: the profile ally, who are “people with intelligence and know that we are in a pandemic and extreme confinement and understand that right now they cannot deal with their partners certain issues, and therefore they resort to infidelity.” The priority for these types of people is endure this situation with the greatest psychological health.

And then there would be the explosives, also called enemies: couples trying to “crush” each other and coexist between fights. The expert says that they are usually couples who have not known how to be flexible or reach agreements with shift teleworking.

The users of this website, as the psychologist tells us, are not considering divorce due to the economic crisis that is coming. They do not want to go to live elsewhere because their thoughts are mainly focused on their children and money: «The Divorcio it is very painful and leaves a mark on the children with this that one of the parties speaks ill of the other or the state of joint custody. What happens is that these people take stock and continue with the relationship trying to have a good relationship: “If there is a complex or unsustainable relationship, they are already wondering if the divorce would be worthwhile,” explains Lara Ferreiro.

Infidelities on the rise

As the relationship expert explains, there have been an increase in clinical cases in which patients consider being unfaithful … “During the coronavirus quarantine you realize your needs and what you really want, and the people on the platform believe that being unfaithful helps them in their self-care. With family stress, children, confinement … if there is a person on the other side, the mood increases, and this guarantees that the lover plays a very important role. Lara Ferreiro claims to have patients who have been unfaithful for the first time after the state of alarm, and “the feeling of guilt has not appeared” because for this type of people “what they do not have and correspond to them by definition, they look elsewhere ».

«I recently received a patient with a classical and conservative personality. He runs a company and with this situation, in which he has been at home for a long time with his wife and children, he has considered being unfaithful for the first time because he needs to feel desired. The fact of the matter is that He has been without sex for three years, and this is the biggest cause of infidelity, “says psychologist Lara Ferreiro.