“I am on a train and I am not busy with anything, that is, I am receptive to everything. Not far from me, a small boy with a smart and serious look asks his mother: “Mom, do I look like a boy who travels by himself?” It’s so fresh and sweet that this scene takes me into a whirlwind of images and different thoughts. All people were once like this boy. Sweet, sincere and touching. Why are we changing like this? Why do we lose spontaneity? Why do we stop being pretty?
Because there is no answer, or there are too many, my mind shifts to a new round of questions.
Pretend that you are traveling on your own: who, if not a child, can want this with all his heart? The fate of such a desire for autonomy is very funny. First we want to grow up, get rid of the dependent position in which all children are. Those around us generally support us, appreciate our efforts in this direction, and sometimes make fun of them. Then, one day, we grow up. We are independent. And we feel lonely. One fine day, we realize that independence is not an end, but only a means. Self-reliance is strength. But who wants to always use force, to achieve his goal by force, to make an effort?
As we grow up, we discover that self-reliance exists only to help us not be afraid of loneliness, to know that we can bear it. It helps us not to fall into extreme and pathological addictions. Don’t get attached to people who don’t love us or have stopped loving us. Do not obey those who wish us harm. No, independence is, of course, not an ideal, but just an ability, the presence of which we want to feel for our peace of mind, without intending to use it.
“Growing up, we understand that affection and love, help and sympathy are more valuable than autonomy”
Growing up, we understand that affection and love, help and sympathy are more valuable than autonomy. We understand that vulnerability and the endless connections and interdependencies that flow from it can be joyful and free. As we grow up, we no longer want to pretend that we are traveling alone. In general, we no longer want to portray and “pretend” anything. We just want to be happy. And make others as happy as possible. Growing up…
Well, what did the mother answer to the question of her son? Turns out I wasn’t listening. Each of them went back to reading their book. The little boy who would like to pretend to be traveling all alone is not really alone. His mother is next to him. And let all the moments of his life give him this very feeling, this opportunity: to consider himself independent, but in fact rely on the support of all those who love him, near or from afar.